She thought hubby was having an affair

At first she thought she wasn't pretty enough, having turned 30.

Then she suspected he had someone younger on the side.

"He was always too tired to get intimate and when he did, more often than not, he couldn't finish the job."

Madam Mary Tan, 32, who is part of an operations team at a manufacturing company, is talking about her husband, Mr Shaun Ang, 36. Mr Ang works in the same company.

The couple married in their early 20s, "but we decided to wait till I was 25 to have a baby", she says.

Working in operations meant that they had to work shifts, sometimes different ones.

"Shaun gets calls even when he's at home or on his days off," says Madam Tan.

And when they have "that little window for intimacy, it got increasingly difficult for him to stay hard".

REJECTION

The sense of rejection started Madam Tan's questions over whether he was having an affair and also about her attractiveness.

This situation continued for over two years. Often, moments of intimacy turned into explosive quarrels and "at one point, it almost broke up the marriage".

"I was dying to have a baby. He was not playing his part," Madam Tan recalls.

"Having no one to confide in, I broke down at my gynaecologist's office. I told her the problems that we were having.

"Thinking back, if I hadn't confided in her, I would have walked out on him. I was that upset," she says.

But when Mr Ang found out his wife had spoken to her doctor, he was furious and accused her of making him "lose face".

Nonetheless, he eventually went to consult a urologist. After some tests, he was diagnosed with erectile dysfunction and prescribed sildenafil.

"He was not exactly happy having to get help in that area, but it was the only way to preserve the marriage," she says.

After a year of being on medication, the couple finally got the baby they wanted. Their son is now a year old.

"After the birth of our boy, Shaun said the best thing he did was to brush his male ego and pride aside to address his ED issue," Madam Tan says.

The couple is still basking in the presence of their baby.

"Shaun is still on the pill and we are happy. We want to have more children, but at this moment, we want to enjoy our son. We'll let nature take its course," she says.

juditht@sph.com.sg

This article was first published on Dec 28, 2014.
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