Troubleshooter: I've been putting myself down since my divorce

Troubleshooter: I've been putting myself down since my divorce

Dear Troubleshooter:

I'm a female divorcee in my 30s with no children. I live with my family at my parents' house. I used to be very positive, but I feel I've become very negative about myself since the divorce.

I divorced because my former husband was involved in misconduct at his workplace. He didn't seem to reflect on what he had done at all. His parents also thought there would be no problem if it wasn't discovered by his company. I still cry when I remember those days.

I've obtained qualifications and found a new job.

I'm satisfied with my current life with my family members. However, I often think that I'd have a child and be living a different life if I hadn't divorced.

I sometimes have get-togethers with my former female classmates. They mainly talk about raising their children, and complain about their husbands, so I can't participate in their conversations.

Instead I find myself thinking terrible things like, "Your problem is much less serious than my experience" or, "If you dislike your husband that much, why don't you divorce him?"

I can't live like the other people around me. I'm afraid I may lack some important elements to live a regular life. I have no special goal or dream for the future. I'm sad about myself.

E, Tochigi Prefecture

Dear Ms. E:

You decided to say no to your husband's misconduct and divorced him. You also obtained qualifications and started a new life. You have a marvelous ability to make decisions, and great power to take action and make a living by yourself. These things are the power a human being possesses.

Many women in your position can't make a decision like you did.

And even if they make a decision, they can't put it into action and therefore tend to give up on doing what they decided, as they think they can't make a living by themselves.

So they often end up continuing to live their life with great dissatisfaction while complaining about it.

You need not put yourself down at all. You also don't have to hesitate in living a life different from many other women around you.

As you have the power of action to live that way, why don't you strengthen your abilities even more and devote yourself to your work and learning?

I think you can make friends with new people and meet new people with whom you share mutual understanding while becoming active in new fields and building new human relationships.

You've had a hard experience, but it's certain that overcoming it will strengthen your power. I do hope you'll live a happy life.

Junko Umihara, psychiatrist

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