Troubleshooter: I've endured my wife's terrible behaviour for 25 years

Troubleshooter: I've endured my wife's terrible behaviour for 25 years

Dear Troubleshooter:

I'm a company employee in my 60s, and I've been married for 25 years. I'm sick of my wife's attitude toward me.

Her terrible behaviour toward me started the day before our wedding ceremony.

"I want to cancel the ceremony," she said. But then she said, "We'll hold the ceremony and go on a honeymoon, but let's divorce after returning."

Later, she also flatly stated she would only kiss her most beloved person.

Recently, she also said: "You make me sick. Go away," and "You're so ugly I don't have to worry about you cheating on me."

I'm really wounded by these remarks.

We have a daughter already in her 20s, but my wife orders me to do housework, like she's talking to a little child, saying such things as "Lay out the futon bedding," and "Vacuum the house." She prepares boxed lunches only for herself. I don't know how she spends my monthly salary, except the money I receive as pocket money.

I don't want to stain my reputation so I've let this continue until today. But recently, I began considering divorcing her. Under the circumstances, would I still have to pay consolation money to her if we divorced? Please tell me what to do.

S, Hokkaido

Dear Mr. S:

She has told you terrible things that are difficult to accept. Even if you had many hearts, they would all be crushed.

As it is possible her words and attitude could be considered moral harassment or emotional abuse, you probably would't have to pay consolation money to her if you divorced. I suggest you record your talks with her as evidence, just in case, to prove she is to blame.

However, I can't understand why you began considering divorcing her at this stage. For the last 25 years, you have managed to let her remarks go in one ear and out the other, haven't you? I wonder if you began worrying about losing your place to escape to as your mandatory retirement age approaches. Or you may be affected by your dwindling physical and mental strength.

I'm also concerned your letter didn't state at all whether you're ready to live independently from her.

In addition, you said you don't want to stain your public image, but you ask about what to do at such an open place like this column, although your letter is published anonymously. It looks contradictory to me.

I suspect the indecisiveness you possess may have irritated your wife. I think you are half-responsible for her being so rude to you as you have just sat and waited for the storm to pass.

Whether you divorce or not, why not launch a counterattack? If a meek lamb suddenly becomes a savage tiger, your spoiled wife may be shocked and awakened. I do hope so.

Hazuki Saisho, writer

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