Who is 'B' in Vernetta Lopez's new book?

Say my name, say my name...

When I learned that Vernetta Lopez's autobiography Memoirs Of A DJ: Life In Progress was published last week, I rushed to the nearest major bookstore to buy it for the same reason everyone else did.

I wanted to see if I'm mentioned in the book.

After all, I have written a few episodes of Under One Roof which she starred in. I have also written and directed a few episodes of Daddy's Girls which she also starred in. (The show won the Asian TV Award for best comedy in 2003.)

She has seen me undo my pants for reasons which shall remained unclear. It was the 90s.

I have even attended her wedding dinner - the first one.

It was held in a ballroom of a hotel on Orchard Road and it was the most fun wedding dinner I had ever attended. I might have forgotten to give a hongbao, which made it even better. Free food!

So I was a little disappointed and hurt that in 2009, I wasn't invited to her second wedding dinner.

Who knows why she didn't invite me? Maybe she thought I jinxed her first marriage to deejay Mark Richmond, which ended in divorce in 2003, and she didn't want me to have anything with the second one. That's understandable.

Or maybe she remembered I didn't give her a hongbao for that 1997 wedding dinner.

Anyway, I forgive her.

But you know what I can't forgive?

I'm not mentioned anywhere in her book!

I just wasted $19.90. (Actually. I paid only $17.91 for the book because I got a 10 per cent discount by using my Popular membership card.)

Don't tell me she's still mad about the hongbao.

I mean, what does a guy have to do to get a mention in her autobiography?

Make a Gangnam Style parody video?

Get uninvited to Diner en Blanc?

Star in a pornographic movie filmed at Marina Bay Sands?

Marry her and cheat on her with someone with the initial "B"?

That's what Richmond allegedly did and he has two big chapters about him in the book. I'm so jealous.

In the chapter called "The Dark Years", Lopez described how two weeks before the wedding, Richmond wanted to call it off because of "cold feet". But she didn't want to as she was "worried about the public fallout".

I'm glad she didn't because otherwise, I would've been deprived of attending the most fun wedding dinner ever. As she writes in the book: "But seriously, wasn't the party great?" Yes, it was.

Later in the chapter, she confronted her then-husband Richmond about a note she discovered among his things with the words: "I can still smell you on my pillow." It was signed "B".

I'm not sure what the big deal is. When my wife tells me she can smell me on her pillow, that's just a not-so-subtle hint that it's about time I change the bedsheets - and to stop using her pillow.

Although Lopez writes about "B" meeting her to explain the note, Lopez doesn't identify "B" in the book. I wonder who "B" could be.

In another chapter called "The Stakeout", Lopez describes how she was coaxed by a friend to secretly follow the cheating Richmond and they caught him with the other woman, whom again Lopez doesn't name.

In the book, she likens the stakeout to something in the movie When Harry Met Sally, but doesn't she know this is actually a plot from an episode of Under One Roof, where Dolly and her friend Rosnah followed Dolly's husband Teck because they suspected him of having an affair?

I guess the difference is Teck wasn't really having an affair, Dolly and Teck didn't get a divorce, and Teck didn't later marry Beatrice Chia.

That's Richmond's second wife, whom he married in 2006 after he divorced Lopez.

So how does the former Mrs Richmond feel about the current Mrs Richmond?

Lopez and Chia co-starred in the 2001 sitcom Now Boarding and in Memoirs Of A DJ, Lopez reminisces about sharing a room with Chia while filming the series in Kuala Lumpur.

Lopez writes that she "enjoyed the experience" of working with the people on the show and adds cheerfully: "How many people can say they were roommates with their husband's future wife?!?"

Since Lopez mentions a flop like Now Boarding in the book, you would think she would also mention the award-winning Daddy's Girls and how delightful I was to work with as a writer and director. No such luck.

As revenge, I'm now going to write my own autobiography and not mention her.

But I think I'll mention "B". Whoever she may "be".

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