Can we just say, Singapore second?

PHOTO: Youtube

Dear President Donald Trump,

Greetings from Singapore.

We're not part of China even though we have literally millions of Chinese people here. I know it can be confusing.

Please don't start a trade war with us.

Or at least don't start a trade war with us because you think we're part of China.

Remember? You mentioned us in a campaign speech last year, when you said: "Baxter Health Care laid off 199 workers and moved their jobs to Singapore."

That's right. We're the bad dudes who stole American jobs.

But then you withdrew the US from the Trans-Pacific Partnership, which we wanted very badly.

So let's call it even on that front.

In your inauguration speech last month, you said: "From this day forward, it's going to be only America first."

It was tremendous.

The best inauguration speech ever with the hugest inauguration crowd ever.

Period.

Trump sworn in as 45th US president

  • President Donald Trump assumed power Friday with a fiercely nationalistic vow to put "America first," declaring a new political era after being sworn in as the 45th US head of state.
  • Hundreds of thousands of people stood in the rain-splattered National Mall to see the 70-year-old Republican billionaire take the oath of office and deliver a stridently populist call-to-arms.
  • Former US president Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalynn arrive for the inauguration of President Trump.
  • Former US president Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
  • Former US President George W. Bush and his wife Laura.
  • Bush put up a struggle with his poncho.
  • American casino magnate Sheldon Adelson, a donor to the Trump campaign.
  • Senators Bernie Sanders and John McCain.
  • "From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land," Trump said, promising an end to business-as-usual in Washington.

    "From this moment on, it's going to be only America First."

  • "Today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, DC. And giving it back to you, the people."
  • While the US capital city no longer provides official crowd counts, the turnout was visibly smaller than for Barack Obama's two inaugurations, in 2009 and 2013, with sections of the Mall and bleachers along the parade route left empty.
  • And as the incoming leader rallied his supporters for the swearing-in, throngs of his opponents also converged on Washington.
  • Most of the protests - by an array of anti-racist, anti-war, feminist, LGBT, pro-immigration and marijuana legalization groups - were noisy but peaceful, though sporadic violence marred the day.
  • Between 400 and 500 masked, black-clad protesters carrying anarchist flags smashed windows, lit fires and scuffled with riot police in downtown Washington, blocks from the parade held in Trump's honour, with over 90 people arrested for vandalism.
  • Even the peaceful protesters were intent on spoiling Trump's party - letting out a deafening roar as the presidential limousine known as "The Beast" rolled by on the way to the White House.
  • "Not my president! Not my president!" they yelled, as the pro- Trump crowd in bleachers across the street chanted "USA! USA!".
  • Trump's inauguration caps the improbable rise to power of the Manhattan real estate magnate who has never before held elected office, served in government or in the armed forces.
  • His speech was far from the typical optimistic inaugural address that tries to bridge political divides and lift Americans' gaze up to the horizon.
  • It was a deliberate and striking contrast from the uplifting message of Obama, the outgoing president who was among the dignitaries in attendance.
  • Obama and his wife Michelle departed the Capitol by helicopter moments after the swearing-in ceremony, turning a page on eight years of Democratic leadership in the White House.
  • At a Congressional luncheon afterward, Trump led a standing ovation for his defeated election rival Hillary Clinton, saying he was "honoured" that she and her husband, former president Bill Clinton, attended his inauguration.
  • When Trump descended the escalators of his glitzy New York tower in June 2015, his run for office was roundly dismissed and even mocked.
  • Trump and First Lady Melania Trump dance during the Armed Forces ball at the National Building Museum.
  • Trump, the first lady Melania Trump, US Vice President Mike Pence and his wife Karen cut a cake after dancing at the Armed Services ball.

COMPETITION

But if America is first, which country is second?

The Dutch were the first to throw their funny pointy hat in the ring by releasing a viral video that proposed "America first, the Netherlands second".

Of course, having lost three World Cup finals, the Dutch are experts at coming in second. (I'm talking about football, a sport played by girls in your country.)

Switzerland, Portugal, Denmark, Belgium, Germany and Lithuania have since released their own videos and there's now a competition called Who Wants To Be Second.

But why are only European countries in the competition?

That's racist and I know you're not racist.

I would like to make the case for "America first, Singapore second".

We're okay with not being first because we have a political party called Singaporeans First, which was rejected by voters in the last election. Sad!

Almost as sad as the Democrats in your country.

While protesters demonstrated against you and your travel ban last week around the world, including in Indonesia and the Philippines, Singaporeans were more upset about something else - chickens.

Yes, chickens.

Last week, our Government was pecked by animal lovers for its decision to cull non-headless chickens running wild in our country.

They're like our Mexicans. They're noisy and some, I assume, are good chickens.

The timing is also rather insensitive as it's the Year of the Chicken.

Are we going to cull puppies next year when it's the Year of the Dog?

It could be our new annual tradition, culling the animal that it's the year of.

2024 is the Year of the Dragon?

Thousands protest Trump travel ban

  • Pro-Trump demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Lawyers and legal assistants network and use social media in the baggage claim area, amid supplies of pizza, water and other food, at Dulles International Airport, aiding passengers who have arrived and encounter problems because of Donald Trump's travel ban to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Police direct arriving passengers past dozens of pro-immigration demonstrators who cheer and hold signs at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's travel ban in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A pro-immigration demonstrator holds a "Deport Trump" sign as she joins dozens of supporters to cheer international passengers arriving at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's executive order barring visitors, refugees and immigrants from certain countries to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Dozens of pro-immigration demonstrators cheer and hold signs as international passengers arrive at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's travel ban to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Volunteer lawyers work in a dining area of Terminal 4 to assist travelers detained as part of Donald Trump's travel ban in Terminal 4 at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Lawyer Darryl Hairston works with a team of volunteer lawyers to arrange habeus corpus petitions for travelers detained as part of Donald Trump's travel ban in Terminal 4 at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Volunteer lawyers work in a dining area of Terminal 4 to assist travelers detained as part of Donald Trump's travel ban in Terminal 4 at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • People gather at Terminal 4 during a protest against Donald Trump's travel ban at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators sit inside LAX international terminal and yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • LA resident Kara Doufash is seen during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators are seen during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators sit inside LAX international terminal and yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold signs during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Thousands of people attend an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Thousands of people attend an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Thousands of people attend an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold signs during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Several hundred people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest in Hamtramck, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Several hundred people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest in Hamtramck, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Dozens of pro-immigration demonstrators cheer and hold signs as international passengers arrive at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's executive order barring visitors, refugees and immigrants from certain countries to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017. The sign in Arabic (L) reads "Have you been stopped and questioned, we would like to talk to you, to assist with a lawyer".
  • Several hundred people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest in Hamtramck, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Several hundred people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest in Hamtramck, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Several hundred people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest in Hamtramck, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A person holds a sign out of the sun-roof of a car as it is driven past hundreds of people rallying against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A police officer stands on a baggage carousel as hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather at the Islamic Center of Washington for a march to the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory to protest President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Activist Linda Sarsour addresses the crowd during a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer addresses the crowd during a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Cars pass by holding signs and honking their horns during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators march and block traffic during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators march and block traffic during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Cars pass by holding signs and honking their horns during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Protesters at Discovery Green Park during Super Bowl events in Houston, Texas, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Protesters and ACLU legal observer at Discovery Green Park during Super Bowl events in Houston, Texas, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Protesters at Discovery Green Park during Super Bowl events in Houston, Texas, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Muslim women pray during the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" protesting U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Izzy Berdan (L) takes part in the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators gather in Copley Square for the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators take part in the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators spell out "# No Muslim Ban" during the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Thirteen year-old Uma Gerweck joins the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren speaks to the crowd gathered in Copley Square for the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators gather in Copley Square for the "Boston Protest Against Muslim Ban and Anti-Immigration Orders" to protest U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order travel ban in Boston, Massachusetts, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People leaving the airport show their support while demonstrators yell slogans as cars drive by during an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Ron Modaresi with his family joins demonstrators who yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans as cars drive by during an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold a variety of signs during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Pain Shaikh, LA resident, joins demonstrators who yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • People leaving the airport show their support while demonstrators yell slogans as cars drive by during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Thousands of people attend an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Pakistani American Aisha Yaqoop, 23, of Atlanta, yells slogans during an anti-Donald Trump travel ban protest outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A young boy looks on as demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • An American Civil Liberties Union legal observer watches a flight arrivals board, as dozens of pro-immigration demonstrators greeted international passengers arriving at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's executive order barring visitors, refugees and immigrants from certain countries to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017. The observer was offering free legal advice to assist any detainees.
  • A police officer stands on the baggage carousel as people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest at the Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Dozens of pro-immigration demonstrators cheer and hold signs as international passengers arrive at Dulles International Airport, to protest President Donald Trump's executive order barring visitors, refugees and immigrants from certain countries to the United States, in Chantilly, Virginia, in suburban Washington, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a temporary travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest at the baggage claim area at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • A woman with an American flag themed hijab listens to speakers during a protest against President Donald Trump's travel ban, in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People participate in a protest against President Donald Trump's immigration ban in New York City, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Hundreds of people rally against a travel ban signed by U.S. President Donald Trump in an executive order, during a protest at Detroit Metropolitan airport in Romulus, Michigan, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Women walk by a team of volunteer lawyers in their makeshift office working to assist travelers detained as part of Donald Trump's travel ban in Terminal 4 at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A young girl dances with an American flag in baggage claim while women pray behind her during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People gather at Terminal 4 during a protest against Donald Trump's travel ban at John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A young demonstrator holds a sign during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold signs during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators march and block traffic during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A woman exits the closed international arrivals hall during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold a sit-in inside the international arrivals baggage claim during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A Muslim women holds a sign during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • A demonstrator holds a "resist" sign during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Philadelphia International Airport in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Volunteer immigration attorneys helping stranded travelers during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators yell slogans during protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California, U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • Demonstrators hold signs during anti-Donald Trump travel ban protests outside Hatfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia U.S., January 29, 2017.
  • People gather to pray in baggage claim during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People choose signs to hold during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People gather to pray in baggage claim during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • A small child bows down as adults gather to pray in baggage claim during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People gather to pray in baggage claim during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • People gather to pray in baggage claim during a protest against the travel ban imposed by U.S. President Donald Trump's executive order, at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport in Dallas, Texas, U.S. January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Photographers make pictures of activists as they gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • An activist holds a sign outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.
  • Activists gather outside the White House to protest President Donald Trump's executive actions on immigration in Washington January 29, 2017.

No problem.

If we can't find Komodo dragons, monitor lizards will do. Just grab them by the tail.

By the way, some people may insist on calling it the Year of the Rooster, not the Year of the Chicken, but I think that's sexist. That's just talking cock on so many levels.

Like you, I love women, even hens. It's true.

I wonder what will happen to all the culled chickens.

In totally unrelated news, I read that KFC is bringing the chizza - a pizza with the crust made of fried chicken - to Singapore this week.

I would cry fowl if that turned out to be fake news.

I believe you can also eat the chizza with a knife and fork, which I know is how you like to eat your KFC.

Thanks, KFC, for making the Year of the Chicken great again.

But I understand you also like, uh, cats.

We have the Merlion, which is half cat (a lion) and half fish, although for you, the cat part may be at the wrong end.

You have Trump Tower. We have Shaw Tower, which is the best tower in Singapore. Believe me. No alternative facts here.

You like golden, uh, stuff. We have Golden Mile.

We even call it Golden Mile and not Golden Kilometre because we know how you Americans hate the metric system.

You like walls. We have Wall's ice cream (which is actually a UK brand, but hey, Brexit).

So we totally understand that it's going to be America first, but can we just say, Singapore second?

If you could sign the executive order to make it so, you will be the best US president in Singapore and JB.

And some say Batam.

smong@sph.com.sg


This article was first published on February 6, 2017.
Get The New Paper for more stories.

Purchase this article for republication.

SERVICES