ApLOL Fool: Let top comics put a smile on your face

Today, we celebrate tomfoolery the world over.

What better way to get in on the action than with a bunch of jokes from some of Singapore's top comics?

We challenged these funnymen and women to give us their best jokes - with the added challenge of not being able to use vulgarities or make racial or political jokes.

Though they are hard at work preparing for the onslaught of comic madness headed our way this month - the seventh season of local skit series The Noose premieres tonight on Channel 5 at 8.30pm, and the rest of April is chock-a-block with comedy shows and festivals - they happily, snarkily sent some zingers our way.

ALARIC TAY

He plays recurring character Xin Huahua, a newsreader from Chongqing, China, in The Noose.

Reporter: Where were you born, ma'am?

Sarong Party Girl: I wars born in Singapores.

Reporter: Which part?

SPG: Every parts of my bordy. If you know what I means?

MICHELLE CHONG

She returns to The Noose as much-loved characters Adrianna Wow, the over-the-top newsreader, and Filipino maid Leticia Bongnino.

A Nato soldier, standing guard in the rain with a 20kg pack on his back, says: "Life is hard."

A People's Liberation Army soldier, standing in the snow with a long march ahead, says: "Life is hard."

Boy-boy, a Singaporean army recruit taking his iPad out of the 15kg pack his maid Leticia is carrying, says: "No Wi-Fi? Life is hard!"

SCOTT MITCHELL

This 40-year-old Singapore permanent resident, originally from Scotland, only started performing comedy two years ago.

I love living in Singapore, it shares so many things with my Scottish homeland:

We share the same annual rainfall, although Singapore rain is warm and falls vertically. Scottish rain is cold and comes at you horizontally.

We have the same love of fried food and heart disease

In Scotland, people go "Oh Aye", in Singapore people say "Aiyoh" - same-sounding words, very different meaning

SAMUEL SEE

Currently undergoing national service, this 21-year-old homegrown comic has been emceeing and doing stand-up for several years now.

To all the expats: I'm sorry Chinese New Year is in February, it's kind of like a Chinese pirated DVD - laggy.

GARY OW

This 30-year-old Singaporean works behind-the-scenes as a green screen studio operator and a director, producer and writer. Since 2009, he has been performing under the persona of Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader.

I love Singapore because:

It's cute how people here chew with their mouths open

You can swear in four official languages and call it "culture"

It has two seasons: air-con and fan.

SANJAY MANAKTALA

This 30-year-old former software techie from the US now does stand-up full time with his group, Polished Bottoms, performing all over India.

I love going to Mustafa, but everything there is "Made in India" or "Made in China", just like this country :)

HOSSAN LEONG

This Singapore Boy is a 20-year veteran of the local entertainment scene, with stints on TV, radio and theatre.

Person: Knock knock!

Partypooper Singaporean (and there are many): "Door is open lah, cannot see is it?"

KUMAR

Singapore's most famous drag queen started his career in 1987 as a singing waiter in a pub. He's since moved on to his own solo show at the Esplanade and to TV and movie roles.

The best joke about Singapore is... in the show. Don't be cheap, come and watch.

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