Let's just get it out there: Yes, I am one of those millions of fangirls who are 50 shades of furious right now.
The recent casting of Charlie "what were they thinking?" Hunnam as sex god Christian Grey didn't just kill all my hopes for the movie adaptation of the mega-popular (and admittedly trashy) erotica trilogy Fifty Shades Of Grey.
In a one-two punch almost, the news also came down like a bucket of ice-cold water on my burning desire for The Twilight Saga couple Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, aka Robsten, to reunite on the big screen.
While reading the books, I always pictured Pattinson as the tormented BDSM-obsessed male protagonist - a combination of the mysterious billionaire with a dark side he played in Cosmopolis and the master manipulator-seducer from Bel Amis.
And so did Fifty Shades author E L James, obviously. In fact, her good pal and Hollywood screenwriter Bret Easton Ellis even came out to say that her first choice was always Pattinson. Her books had, after all, originated from Twilight fan fiction.
But it wasn't meant to be.
And so we're left with scruffy ol' Hunnam.
This guy looks like he can't even afford a trailer park, much less a fancy mansion that holds a playroom full of BDSM toys and gear.
Bed him? You're more likely to want him to take a bath first.
Most importantly, judging by the Pacific Rim red carpet premiere pictures, Hunnam does not even look at home in designer suits, which happens to be Grey's uniform.
Seriously, I could go on and on and turn this column into one of those anti-Ben Affleck for Batman rants, but what's the use when it won't change a thing?
Like Grey's love interest Anastasia Steele, one must learn to submit.
Now, Stewart would've been perfect for that role, more so than newbie Dakota Johnson.
Over five Twilight movies, as Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, Robsten represented pure romance.
They were a joint force to be reckoned with, the Brangelina for the Twi-hards.
The couple shared an electric chemistry that genre copycats have so far failed to reproduce, and I'm pretty certain Hunnam and Johnson will join the other lacklustre pairings from The Hunger Games, The Mortal Instruments, The Host, Beautiful Creatures and Warm Bodies.
Since The Twilight Saga ended last year, Robsten have also gone their separate ways, both on the personal and professional front, never to make magic together again now that Fifty Shades is a lost cause.
But even though Pattinson-as-Grey will never become a reality, I have to thank Dior Homme for at least giving us a glimpse of what could have been.
His new scorchingly sexy perfume commercial for the French brand - or what I'd like to call the unofficial trailer for Fifty Shades Of Grey starring RPatz - was released around the same time as the casting announcement.
And in it, you'll see who the true Christian Grey is, was and always will be.
Get The New Paper for more stories.