Lee Teng's wife after miscarriage: 'I wanted to destroy myself'

On July 28, local TV host Lee Teng wrote on his Instagram that he and his wife Gina Lin had lost their unborn baby boy.

Lin, 28, was around six months pregnant with "Xiao Dou Ya" — Chinese for "Little Bean Sprout" and the couple's nickname for their baby — when she miscarried.

After a period of silence, Lin uploaded a post to her Instagram earlier today (Aug 6). Accompanying the long emotional message to Xiao Dou Ya is an image of a baby lying happily on a crescent moon.

"When the incident happened, I blamed myself deeply for a period of time. I wanted to close myself off, even destroy myself," Lin wrote.

"I couldn't bring myself to leave home to face anyone or anything. I was afraid that people would ask me about you. I was afraid to see people whispering to each other when they see me. I started to dislike myself and the world."

Lin said she kept wondering why she was made to go through such pain when she likes children so much and had never done anything bad in her life.

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It is a kind of pain that she would never get over with for the rest of her life, she added. She felt that she would not be able to walk out of her sadness and admitted she also pushed Lee Teng away.

She continued. "I looked at my body, which is full of traces of your presence, and it was then that I realised, your arrival came with lots of love. Your departure should also be accompanied by lots of love. There is a type of love where you cannot be with someone even if you miss them. And another kind where you might be brimming with love that has no outlet.

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"Thank you for making me realise how much I love children. Thank you for giving me so much happiness. Thank you for letting me learn to appreciate the present."

Lin also thanked Lee Teng, her family, and the public for their love and messages, asking for time to regain herself.

In her final heart-breaking words to Xiao Dou Ya, she said: "Mummy is working very hard to eat every day. Mummy is working very hard to recuperate. Mummy misses you very much every day and is learning not to cry when she thinks of you.

"Daddy is also with Mummy the entire way. Don't worry about us, we will work hard. Mummy loves you, my little angel."

ALSO READ: Lee Teng and wife devastated after she miscarries

kwokkarpeng@asiaone.com