White men can't rap

SINGAPORE- Have you seen Bound 3 by James Franco and Seth Rogen?

It's hilarious.

It's a shot-for-shot parody of US rapper Kanye West's Bound 2 music video, in which he rides through the countryside on a motorcycle with his topless reality TV star fiancee Kim Kardashian straddling him.

In the parody, Franco plays West, and the schlubby Rogen sits in for Kardashian.

Rogen makes sexy eyes at the camera, nuzzles Franco, and throws his hands back behind his head in a paroxysm of ecstasy.

It's funny because they're both dudes.

It's also funny because they're both white.

Even after decades of rap, even after the genre has risen to the very pinnacle of pop culture, it's still unusual to see white guys rapping.

White folks managed to take over rock music very quickly - The Beatles and The Rolling Stones ended up completely overshadowing the black musicians they were borrowing from, guys like Muddy Waters and Chuck Berry.

Rap, interestingly, remains mostly black.

I'm not what you'd call a rap fan, but as a guy who's deeply immersed in media of all sorts, you would think that my knowledge of white rappers would extend beyond Eminem and Vanilla Ice.

Vanilla Ice is of course a joke, but to me Eminem looks just as dumb as Vanilla Ice ever did.

I understand that Eminem is universally beloved, but I can't stand the guy. He's like a bad novelty act that has somehow brainwashed the world into taking him seriously.

He's a little fella with a very big mouth. He hasn't changed his stupid hair in 20 years. He hasn't smiled in 20 years.

This guy is 41 years old, but all he can talk about is what a badass he is.

He poses around like a tough guy, then sings - or shouts, rather - about beating up women and "sissies".

His pathetic beef has been with girls like Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey or mild-mannered guys like Moby and Michael Jackson. Yeah. Eminem is da bomb.

How is it that this white-trash poster boy has ended up being such a media darling?

DEVILISH PACT

My guess would be a pact with Satan.

Now there's another white rapper rising to prominence who is, in my mind, just as ridiculous as Eminem.

His name is Macklemore, and his song Same Love has just been nominated for a Grammy for Song Of The Year. Though the pro-tolerance message is nice, it sounds like it was written by a 14-year-old for a school assignment. Also, he dresses like a clown.

That hasn't stopped the Recording Academy from feting him in seven categories, including for Best New Artist and Album Of The Year.

White rap - make it stop!


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