Football: Silly seasons goes on, thanks to di Canio

The Premier League took a break for international matches but football's silly season just never stops for anything.

In fact, it piles up like language problems for Paolo di Canio. When the Italian comedian became the manager of Sunderland, he was said to be some kind of fascist.

Now, he needs to be a linguist because, owing to Sunderland's lousy results so far, he's complaining that his team are not gelling well as his new players cannot speak English.

Just to set the record straight, di Canio wasn't exactly thinking perfect Queen's English when he signed an entire new tribe which comprised Italian, French, Swedish, Czech, Greek and Korean players.

That's not really a football team.

That's the sort of United Nations coalition you put together when you are going to invade a place like Syria.

Di Canio's urgent task now - besides finding a Star Trek universal translator which allows even Klingons to speak to Romulans - is to get his English-speaking players to pitch in with language lessons and, as he said, "to explain, to help us to do this on the field, in training sessions, in the shower, in the bed, wherever they want".

Excuse me, in the bed too? I applaud Pally Paolo's efforts to improve communication among mankind but I think he may be carrying team spirit a little too far.

Still, the man would not make his team any worse if he signed a Brazilian too. Just crazier.

Specifically, a Brazilian masseuse because, in the craziest news of the week, a male masseuse of one team in Brazil called Aparecidense went onto the field in the final minutes of a crucial game and blocked two shots from going into his side's net.

It's amazing because that is like retiree Alex Ferguson suddenly charging onto the pitch to stop Samuel Eto'o from scoring against Manchester United.

If you see the online video, it's very funny because the masseuse was chased by angry opponents all the way to the dressing room like he is Gareth Bale racing with Cristiano Ronaldo. Meanwhile, death threats have been reported against Aston Villa striker Gabriel Agbonlahor.

Not from irate opposing fans, but from even more irate fanatics of Brit boy band, One Direction, after Agbonlahor banged into one of the members, Louis Tomlinson, in a charity match and sent the pretty boy into 10 directions.

One message read: "I better hear that you apologised or I will find you, and I will kill you."

I had no idea that Wayne Rooney was such a big fan.

stsports@sph.com.sg


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