No sex in 12 years but still madly in love

SINGAPORE - This married couple say they have not had sex for 12 years. Yet they say they are still "madly in love" and devoted to each other.

Madam Ng Yu Yan, 45, explains that the desires and urges gradually faded away after she had her third child.

She and husband Bernard Tay, 46, have two sons, 18 and 16, and a daughter, 13.

Madam Ng insists that sex is not an integral part of being married.

"Once you have children, your priorities will definitely shift, and you find that everything you do centres around the young ones," says the property agent.

Mr Tay, a site foreman, agrees: "We are both usually very tired by the time we come home, have our meals and then sit down to spend quality time with the kids.

"By the time we hit the bed when they have gone to sleep, both of us are already half dead."

And since the children came along, their vacations have always been a big family affair.

"I think at most, the only time we spend in each other's company is during the journey from our home to my husband's office where I drop him off," says Madam Ng.

She laughs before saying that "the only form of intimacy is probably just a kiss".

Experts here tell The New Paper on Sunday that couples like the Tays are in the minority.

For most, a lack of sex could indicate bigger problems.

In a recent Daily Mail report, some married couples also share how they don't have sex but insist they're still happy.

No time or the energy

No time or the energy

Like the Tays, a British couple, Charlotte and Chris Everiss, say they don't have sex. They shared their story with The Daily Mail newspaper last week, attracting more than 700 comments within a day.

Most evenings, with their little girl safely tucked in bed, the couple enjoy a kiss and a cuddle on the sofa in front of the television.

Both insist that their 10-year marriage, which followed a two-year courtship after meeting on a dating website, is stronger than most. The relatively young couple haven't had sex in two years.

Mrs Everiss, 34, a social media consultant, says: "We still turn each other on, but we don't want to take it any further. We don't have the time or the energy.

"I find it hard switching off knowing that our four-year-old, Addison, is in the next bedroom. I think if Chris really missed sex he would tell me, or I'd catch him watching porn on the Internet as a substitute.

"Even though I'm only 34 and Chris is 40, to us, that is contentment."

The article also cites a recent survey that estimated 15 to 20 per cent of couples have sexless relationships - defined by experts as making love fewer than 10 times a year - while around 5 per cent go without altogether.

In Singapore, our search yielded five couples willing to talk about their sexless marriages. Experts say the situation isn't rare. All five said they were fine with the lack of sex.

The wives said they were not concerned about their husbands looking for affection outside the marriage.

Madam Shanice Chung, 47, a freelance writer, admits that she had been worried at first that the lack of sex would drive her husband to another woman.

"But I know now that the fears are unfounded. He's okay with it because he's busy getting his tuition centre going."

'Sex is not an obligation of a wife'

'Sex is not an obligation of a wife'

The couple, who have no children, have been married for 11 years.

They stopped having sex about three years ago, soon after her husband, Mr Alvin Chew, set up the tuition centre.

Mr Chew, 48, says: "Aiyoh, please lah. I am so tired by the time I return home each night that I just drop dead on the bed."

Ms Lily Yong, 41, a fitness trainer, has been married for five years. After her baby girl was born in 2010, she and her husband stopped having sex.

"The reasons are all the same - not enough time, too tired etc. I think we cherish each other more as companions.

"I guess I'm one of the luckier women... I don't have to see sex as an obligation of a wife."


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