4 reasons why he takes a long time to orgasm
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PUBLISHED ONDecember 19, 2020 3:00 AMByAdora Wong
Whether in length or duration, “too long” is subjective.
But if sexy time with your man has been leaving you sore because he takes longer than what you’re comfortable with to orgasm, it’s probably a good idea for the both of you to explore the cause in the name of compromise.
Dr Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist and relationship counsellor at Eros Coaching, shares the four possible reasons, and how to overcome them.
1. He has a desensitised penis
According to Dr Lee, the way in which a man masturbates can affect the sensitivity of his penis.
“Penis owners tend to masturbate quietly, quickly and roughly. In their hurry to get it over and done with, they don’t necessarily enjoy pleasuring themselves and instead treat masturbation as a chore. The thing is, masturbating this way may result in a desensitised penis.”
She adds that one solution is to encourage your partner to masturbate with a silicon lubricant as it simulates the feeling of being inside a vagina and focuses on pleasure. This may resensitise his penis over time.
2. He watches a lot of porn
Many men see themselves as visual beings and normalise watching porn. However, this also means that they don’t know how to pleasure themselves without this type of material.
“I have male clients come in to see me worried that they are sex or porn addicts when in reality, they don’t know how to self-pleasure without porn! I suggest reducing reliance on porn by experimenting with fantasy and and turning the attention inward, focusing on awareness, sensation, and arousal instead.”
3. He is easily distracted
It’s no secret that we’re constantly inundated with all kinds of stimuli, whether from social media feeds and online shows to electronic games. But this can impact our sex life. A lot.
“We have essentially trained ourselves to have mentally engaged at all times and to have a shorter attention span with people. It is no wonder that your partner might find himself have difficulty focusing on you, even during sex. Practising mindfulness and meditation might come be useful,” says Dr Lee.
4. He is easily stressed
“Nobody taught us how to destress and decompress. Those who relish thinking and problem solving might find themselves over-thinking and over-analysing,” says Dr Lee.
She points out that your man will need to practise compartmentalising better if he struggles doing so, and that it will require effort and time.
This article was first published in Her World Online.