Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin split after 10 years

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin split after 10 years
Chris Martin (left) and Gwyneth Paltrow.

He can do better

After a decade of marriage, Oscar-winning Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin are calling it quits.

Yesterday they released a statement on Goop, her ridiculous luxe lifestyle blog, saying: "It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate...We are and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been."

Whatever you say, guys.

We all know that nothing brings a family closer together like divorce.

It's impossible to know what went on between Paltrow and Martin and it's presumptuous for an outsider to lay blame in these situations, but I'm going to go ahead and blame Paltrow anyway.

With her blonde hair, beautiful smile and lithe figure, she has always looked like a fairytale princess.

She grew up the privileged daughter of a Hollywood producer and an actress. She has been appearing in movies since she was a teen and won an Oscar in her 20s for Shakespeare In Love. She's in the Iron Man movies.

It's no exaggeration to say that she is one of the fanciest ladies on Earth, which makes it easy to imagine how a dorky, middle-class English bloke like Martin would fall head-over-heels in love with her. She's the ultimate trophy!

That said, I wouldn't marry such a woman in a million years. (Yes, she wouldn't marry me in a BILLION years. Can we move on?)

For all her outward beauty, glamour and success, the woman has always struck me as a lame-o.

In interview after interview, she comes across as bored and - worse - boring. She's one of those people who has to work very hard to say the correct thing because she's always thinking horrible things and has a ton of haters.

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