Heirlooms in hand-me-downs

Since we became parents almost seven years ago, my wife and I have had the pleasure of not buying many clothes for our children.

With two daughters separated by just a small gap of three years, we were in a prime position to play pretty matchy-matchy dress-up with them at every chance.

But my wife and I have not used them as live-action Barbie dolls. Not because we think it's too cutesy, tacky or vain, but for a more mundane reason: We have received bags and bags of hand-me-downs from my sister and cousin, whose daughters are much older.

What a bundle we have saved from not buying tees, jackets, pants, shorts and skirts that would be worn for a couple of years at most. So what if a button or two are missing, the occasional zipper is a little wonky or the colours have lost their lustre?

The clothes are free and incredibly comfy. Fabric softeners cannot do what actual living in a T-shirt can do to make it drape over you like a second skin. Even the slightest rough seams have been worn smooth, occupying that wonderful space just before fraying occurs.

Another benefit of our dressing up Faith and Sarah in hand-me-downs is that they are not vain and fussy about looking less than perfectly turned out. (If I'm the one picking out clothes to dress them in, there's even less chance of any kind of fashion co-ordination - I just take whatever is on top of the pile or on the drying rack.)

I'm hoping that this means the narcissism that seems to afflict most teenaged girls will be slightly reined in in my daughters.

Lately, Sarah has even been wearing the hand-me-downs of Faith's hand- me-downs, as Faith, who's coming to seven, moves on to new old clothes.

Seeing my younger girl in outfits she was once too small for gives me a frisson of nostalgia mixed with hope, thoughts of the past enmeshed with anticipation of the future.

Hand-me-downs are not only environment- and pocket-friendly, but they are also slices of lived-in history. Like Proust's tasting of a madeleine, when I see Sarah wearing a tee or a dress she has inherited from her elder sister, I am instantaneously reminded of the time when Faith wore the same garment.

This brings a smile to my face, but also makes me nervous to think how quickly our children's childhood escapes us unnoticed while we are caught up in the minutiae of the everyday.

A photograph captures a moment in the past, but a worn hand-me-down does more than that: It points to a future, a future for the younger child that is currently inhabited by the older child, whose old clothes the younger one is now wearing.

I look at Sarah in Faith's hand- me-downs and feel hopeful that she will soon reach her elder sister's age with all the good characteristics intact. At the same time, I recall what a joy and privilege it has been to walk alongside Faith in her short journey of outgrowing those clothes.

I now understand why my elder sister and cousin always seem so thrilled when they encounter Faith and Sarah wearing the hand-me-downs of their children, Chen-E, Tasha, Ling Ling, Jo Jo and Naomi.

It is not just a sign that I appreciate their pre-loved gifts. When they express joy at seeing the clothes again, it is without fail accompanied by their excitement at seeing their children's past relived in fresh ways by my children.

Hand-me-down clothing, seen in this light, is like an heirloom - a thread that runs through and binds the family in a shared history.

My niece Tasha did not just agree to give her old clothes to anyone. She stubbornly refused to bequeath certain old wardrobe favourites to another cousin of hers, happily passing them on to Faith and Sarah instead.

She must have intuited that her favourite dresses weren't to be casually disposed of. To do that would have dishonoured her favourite childhood memories, which had to be entrusted to only a select few.

Why else do you think Tony Leung Chiu Wai in In The Mood For Love whispered his deepest secrets into a hollow in a tree in Cambodia? He found no one else worthy of sharing them with him.

I am pleased to report that Faith's and Sarah's hand-me-downs will soon be handed down to their new baby girl cousin to come.

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