Read horoscope the ride way

Gong Xi Fa Cai, Happy Chinese New Year and welcome to another edition of Supreme Grandmaster Choy's 12 animal outlook.

This year, we shall look at your fortune for the wonderful Year of the Duck.

Sorry, I meant we shall look at your fortune for the Year of the Horse. Supreme Grandmaster Choy got confused by his calendar and his dinner menu.

I am sure it happens to all of you too. After all, so many of the animals on the lunar calendar taste good stir fried with a bit of dried chilli and garlic.

Anyway, I'm sure you can't wait to read my forecasts for the year. But before we get to that, let me just inform you of a little bit of a change to the way this horoscope is done. This year, the entire horoscope has a corporate sponsor.

Grandmaster Choy got this idea when he received a horoscope as part of a corporate gift from a bank. This was a genius horoscope where nearly every single fortune contained corporate messages from the company, albeit cleverly disguised as an innocent well-researched outlook for the year.

For instance, this was the bank horoscope outlook for Goats: "This prosperous period indicates higher expenses amid increased social activities and business expansion plans. Be extra prudent in your spending."

And for Tigers: "Saving up for rainy days is your best financial strategy. To prevent unnecessary wealth loss, you should avoid investing based on unfounded advice."

And for Rats: "You should manage your finances wisely. Avoid risky investments and mind your spending."

Do you see what they did there? Grandmaster Choy considers this a stroke of marketing genius. It is playing into the human tendency to heed warnings or believe in good luck forecast in horoscope format even if many of us proclaim not to be believers.

Few of us rarely question if the horoscope was written by one guy in his pyjamas at home on the first day of Chinese New Year or meticulously drawn up with charts. What we do is think, "Well, it doesn't hurt to be a little more careful" or "Well, what if it is true?".

These are ideal conditions for advertisers and Grandmaster Choy feels silly for not having thought of this first. But anyway, here we are with your completely accurate, unbiased fortune for 2014, sponsored by a major transportation company.

Horse:

Wonderful opportunities await you this year but keep in mind that not all are created equal. If a prospect comes along and it is already full of investors, do not try to get on board. Or if you are on board already, do not remain there. It might lead to an unforeseen financial loss.

Goat:

If you hear alarms going off warning you that, "the doors to the opportunity are closing, the doors to the opportunity are closing", do not rush forward. Wait for the next one.

Rooster:

This is the year when your train comes in. Please stand behind the yellow line.

Monkey:

This is a good year to broaden your horizons and explore your surroundings. However, keep in mind that there are places that are accessible only to authorised personnel. You should not mount, attempt to mount or enter these areas or any part thereof. Otherwise, misfortune will fall upon you or vice versa.

Dog:

Abundant fortune and smooth progress pave your way this year if you are just willing to shift your behaviour slightly. For instance, start travelling during off-peak hours or take a taxi.

Pig:

You need to be careful when making your move this year. Your normal tendency to create mischief will have repercussions, so think again before trying to pull a fast one (or the train emergency stop lever).

Rat:

More than ever before, this is the year when people will need your help. And that means even though you are tired after a long day of work and are now sitting down, there will be someone who needs to sit down more than you. Stay alert and help. Don't pretend to fall asleep.

Ox:

To achieve success, you need to commit 100 per cent. This is not the year to do things in fits and starts. When you are joining a venture, take the plunge. Go all the way. Don't just stand near the door.

Tiger:

You are a lucky one this year, Tiger. Things will just happen for you. Goodies will fall onto your lap. You should gobble them up before you enter a train station.

Rabbit:

You have always been an alert individual and this year, that quality is needed more than before. See a suspicious package? Report it.

See a non-suspicious package? That's mine. Grandmaster Choy left some shopping on the train recently.

Dragon:

Carpe Diem, seize the day - that should be your motto this year. However, as you proceed to carpe the diem, please spare a thought for those who are not having such great fortune. Make space for them to get off the train of opportunity before you try to get on.

Snake:

Good things come to those who wait. And if you are patient this year, you will be rewarded. However, if there is a breakdown, all bets are off.

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