Breakups are nearly always synonymous with grief and misery. However, in the aftermath of a breakup, insecurities and doubts may end up affecting you more than the initial hurt.
You may even end up believing there's no way someone out there will ever love you again.
What's more, if you miss the deadline for a rebound, it just gets worse. You question whether you caused the breakup and whether this means you'll never find happiness.
Of course, you will eventually fall in love again. At the same time, there's probably no better occasion for some introspection so your next relationship will hopefully run a smoother course.
So if you really, really have no damn clue, here are 7 possible reasons why your last relationship ended.
1. Did you change?
If your personality has evolved over the course of the relationship, it could be that you're no longer the person your partner fell in love with. This isn't necessarily a bad thing! Everyone is constantly changing, progressing and maturing with new experiences gained. We all seek someone willing to change alongside us and who will love us despite these changes. However, it's important for you to ask, "Have I changed for the worse?" If you've degenerated into a complete slob or have become demanding and possessive, chances are the breakup was your fault. If you, however, have only made neutral personality changes like, for example, becoming more extroverted, then it just means the you're no longer the person your ex wanted you to be.
2. How did you speak to your ex?
The thing about abusive language is that the user often doesn't realise how much hurt he/she is causing. You may have continuously wounded your ex's feelings without even realising it. Did you been make the relationship all about you by constantly saying things like, "I need you to (…)"? Did you been adopt an accusatory tone by asking questions like, "How could you (…)"?
3. Was there someone else?
Obviously, if you cheated on your ex, the breakup is your fault. However, if your ex was the one seeing someone else, don't assume the blame for the breakup! It's too easy for to feel inadequate when our girlfriends or boyfriends find new romantic interests. Remember that losing your partner to someone else does not mean you're inferior. It just means that your partner did not have enough respect for you to deal with the situation the right way.
4. How did you behave around other members of the opposite gender?
Do you sometimes completely ignore your partner in order to speak to someone else? If so, your ex may have grown tired of competing for your attention. If you show unwarranted and unusually excessive affection towards members of the opposite gender, the breakup may be your fault. Review your behaviour and consider whether your ex was being irrationally or justifiably possessive. If you have shown your other friends significantly more affection and validation than you have showered upon your ex, that's something you have to remedy. After all, reassurances only go so far. Your actions have to do the talking too.
5. Did you take your ex for granted?
Was the relationship fair? Did you take more than you gave? Ideally, love shouldn't be about who gives more. Yet taking your partner for granted may indicate neglect and a lack of selflessness. Remember, while your future partner may not mind the imbalance and be willing to demonstrate his or her affection towards you anyway, there will be times when he or she requires you to return the favour. Don't wear down your partner's emotional reserves or be insensitive to their needs.
6. Were you clingy?
A relationship isn't two people creating their own world and feeding off each other's attentions and affections within it. It's two people learning to live together and helping each other to live in the real world, along with everyone else. This means you can't try to isolate your partner from the rest of real life. After all, your other half needs space to breathe. Think about it. Were you smothering your ex with demanding affection? Were you too aggressive? If so, the breakup may have been due to a lack space for individuality in the relationship.
7. Did the two of you have different beliefs?
Religious differences or other disparities in belief systems may often mean irreconcilable differences. This is neither party's fault; the two of you were just incompatible. However, not all differences in beliefs lead to breakups. Were you a little too insistent on your beliefs being the only and ultimate truth? If so, your ex may have felt belittled, to the point that staying in a relationship became toxic for him or her.
For every reason that people break up, there are reasons for why people fall in love. While you may grow from new knowledge about yourself and how you may have contributed to previous breakups, remember that each new romantic partner will be different and your new insights cannot be applied indiscriminately. Enter each relationship with an open mind and try to maintain a balance between being yourself and catering to your partner's needs.
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