DEAR EMILY, My husband and I are both in our early 60s. We've been married almost 40 years now and have three professional and married children who have all left the nest.
I think we are happily married-even without sex anymore. Though he has diabetes, he has maintained his youthful good looks. Unlike me. Although I am quite healthy and don't take maintenance medicines, I have grown overweight over the years. He seems not to care and has remained very thoughtful and honest, and I am blessed having him.
My problem is my friends who are constantly telling me that without sex, my husband would be prone to fooling around, if he isn't already. Despite their gossiping about my marriage, I tend to believe my husband because he hasn't given me any reason to suspect him, except that we haven't had sex in ages. It doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother him either, I think. We have separate bedrooms because he snores like a train. Sleeping separately has solved the noise problem once and for all.
I know where every penny of his salary goes, I know his password in his e-mail address, his cell phone is always lying around in the open, he allows me to meet him a few times a week in his office for our dinner after work-how can I worry about him philandering? Do my friends know something I don't?
If it ain't broke, why fix it! Who are these bunch of unhappy women you're friends with? Is their analysis or suspicion of your marriage a reflection of the trouble they're having with their own husbands? Have you been bragging about your blissful marital status that's making them gang up on you?
That you and your husband already enjoyed a fulfilling romp in bed in your younger days-which is probably more than they've ever had-is no reason at all for alarm between you two. The fact that you're having a wonderful weekly routine with him speaks volumes of your healthy relationship.
Stop being shaken or stirred by the empty gossip from your so-called friends. Let them discuss their lives and problems till they grow feathers, but steer the conversation away when they shift the focus on you. Just enjoy the food during your lunch with them and block out the chatter. Or, if their company has become a pain, feign a headache, or do your errands instead, or tell it to their faces that you don't want to be part of that group anymore.
Avoid their gloom and doom. Life is too short to bear meddlers who don't contribute inspiration or hope or joy to your day.