To my future husband: This is what I have to say to you

PHOTO: Irmaya Wedding

Dear future husband,

Hi there. I realised something today. I've had a zero per cent success rate at relationships all my life.

Zero per cent.

Total failure.

I would start every relationship with hopeful optimism and put my heart into it, but it always never worked out. Failure after failure - it really eats away at my self-esteem, you know?

Wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Why can't I find love when all my friends can?

But I know, deep down, that it is simply because I have not met the right person yet.

I have not met you.

Just thinking about this makes my heart race.

I feel like I'm sitting on a roller-coaster ride - you know the part where the ride creaks its way to the top and pauses for a second before the big whoosh and zoom?

I'm at the top right now, waiting to meet you so we can go off on this adventure of a lifetime together. But there are a few things I have to talk to you about.

You are getting an imperfect wife.

I have to confess: Ironing frustrates me very much. So much that I have built up a whole wardrobe of wrinkle-free clothes.

So please, please understand that it's not that I don't want to be a helpful wife. I just really hate ironing. It's torture to me. But I love folding clothes! We can work out a deal on this, right? And air conditioning.

The man-made cold air bothers me. I don't like it. I hope you're not completely dependent on it. Yes, I have my quirks and I'm quite set in my ways.

And I find myself growing more and more cynical. When we first meet, I might be a bit distant, always on the lookout for things that could go wrong.

Thinking of the worst, fearful that you will turn out to be a two-timing cheat like two of my exes. The thoughts of past heartbreaks are never far from my mind.

Even now, in moments of emotional stress, I still have occasional nightmares about these exes. In reality, all of us have already moved on, but in my dreams, they continue to betray me, over and over.

I want to thank you in advance for proving me wrong, for sticking with me, for calling me when you say you will - all the little things that you know are important to me, till I completely trust in you.

Thank you for banishing my insecurity and making me feel safe and happy. Thank you for being my anchor.

I don't want a Prince Charming.

It took me a long time to learn this. I had this idealistic, though rather vague, vision of the perfect man.

I was always looking outwards to find him.

Then one time, a guy I was then dating called me out on my meanness towards him. I was completely taken aback. Me, mean? To me, my sarcasm was me being witty and funny.

But once I put myself in his shoes and replayed our conversations, I cringed and felt really terrible.

That was a sobering day. For the first time, when it came to assessing relationships, it made me look inwardly at myself.

I saw that I was not the perfect partner, and it's not just about the sarcasm, which I've since been mindful to dial down.

I want us to always be able to talk to each other honestly, and push each other to continue to improve on our flaws and become better people.

I wonder what you are like. I often wonder where we will meet. What your name is. How you look.

In my daydreams, you are sometimes a travelling tennis wonder.

Sometimes, a ninja. Other times, a librarian. I know I'm probably super off the mark, but I can't help coming up with ridiculous daydreams and smiling to myself.

I suppose these are just random thoughts, not the most important.

At the end of the day, I want you to know that I will always have your back.

That's my promise to you.

I can't wait to meet you and grow old and wrinkly together.

Love, Your future wife

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