While confinement culture is something most Chinese Singaporeans are familiar with, to Ghib Ojisan, it was a completely foreign concept.

"I had no clue what this was, I had to do my research," the Singapore-based Japanese content creator told AsiaOne during an interview. 

Ghib, who is in his mid-30s, only learned about it after his Chinese wife became pregnant and they had to prepare for the birth of their daughter. 

"In Japan, we don't have this nanny culture," he said, explaining that most Japanese couples do everything themselves, with the occasional help from their parents.  

Though hiring one helps make the first few weeks after childbirth more manageable, the new father has decided to go without this extra help. 

In fact, he ended up becoming a confinement nanny of sorts instead. 

Cooking, cleaning and changing diapers 

Ghib shared that when Japanese couples have a baby, the "standard practice" is that the mother and child would usually stay in the hospital for around five to 10 days. 

While there, the parents will learn everything they need to know from the nurses and doctors before being discharged.  

Food-wise, there are no specific diets to follow and the mother is just encouraged to eat nutritious and healthy meals, he said. 

On the other hand, in Singapore, confinement nannies are hired to help to not only feed, bathe and change the baby, but also provide parenting advice, guide the mother on breastfeeding, and do basic housework. 

They also cook special confinement meals for the mother to "heal her womb". 

Despite the extra hand being a helpful addition during this period, Ghib shared that there were several reasons why he and his wife didn't want to engage a nanny. 

One big reason was that they were not comfortable with having a stranger in their house. 

Another more personal reason was that Ghib wanted to fully immerse himself into his new role as a father. 

"I wanted to experience everything. I feel like this is only a once in a lifetime thing, so I wanted to experience doing everything myself instead of just outsourcing this part of my journey," he explained.

Thanks to the flexible nature of his content creator job, Ghib has more freedom to plan his day around his family. 

Apart from the basics like changing his daughter's diapers and feeding her milk, Ghib also does the housework, brings her to the hospital for jaundice checks and cooks confinement meals for his wife. 

While it has been an exhausting process, it was also a fulfilling one as Ghib found himself picking up new skills, especially in the kitchen. 

"I don't mind cooking at all. I like learning new recipes. I basically like experiencing new cultures. When I started cooking these gingery [confinement meals] and all that, it was kind of fun," he confessed. 

He learned most of these from online research. 

Traditionally, in Chinese confinement culture, the mother needs to heal her womb by drinking a red date drink. 

And Ghib painstakingly made this from scratch for his wife every single day with a recipe he learned from her and his mother-in-law. 

"My mother-in-law would occasionally make it for us even before my wife's pregnancy," he recounted. 

As the weeks went by, Ghib and his wife slowly and naturally developed a shift work system to care for the baby. 

"How we divide our duties is, my wife mainly does the night shift," he elaborated. 

"My shift starts from around 7am. Usually that's when the baby gets fussy. Then I'll let my wife sleep until around 11am because she's very tired from the night shift." 

Ghib admitted that one reason why he was able to be so hands-on is that his wife isn't uptight about the traditional confinement practices. 

"My wife isn't too strict [about confinement], so maybe that's why it was doable for me. If she was very strict with tradition, maybe I would have ended up outsourcing help," he said. 

The ups and downs of fatherhood 

While it's been an extremely fulfilling journey, Ghib confessed that it does not come without challenges. 

"The biggest will be sometimes I don't know which to prioritise, baby or wife," Ghib said honestly. 

To cite an example, he shared how sometimes, when his wife is resting, the baby gets fussy and wants breast milk instead of bottled milk.

This leaves Ghib torn because as much as he wants to give his daughter what she wants, he can't bear to disturb his exhausted wife during her rest. 

"I often find myself struggling. I talked to my wife and she said I should totally wake her up and to prioritise the baby," he confessed. 

"But still, sometimes, if I feel like the baby can wait, I will just wait for my wife to naturally wake up. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing." 

Another thing Ghib struggles with is adjusting to his whole new lifestyle. 

"I have much less time to work. Because of course, prior to the baby, I can just spend all my time working, no interruption. But then with the baby, recently, she's been very fussy," he said. 

Ghib shared that sometimes, no matter what he does, his daughter would not stop crying, and because he's so busy trying to be there for her, he has no time for himself.

"It's very difficult to find that lump of time for myself. But I try to remind myself that I should treasure this," he said. 

"She is very cute. This is not going to continue forever. So I should enjoy it." 

Despite his hectic new schedule, Ghib shared that teamwork does makes the dream work. 

Because he and his wife both want personal time to do their own things, they take turns. 

"I need to work out every day because I'm getting quite fat so as I do this, my wife will take care of the baby," he cited as an example. 

"Then sometimes my wife needs to destress and eat all the unhealthy food at the mall. So then I will take care of the baby. So it's just teamwork."

Even though it has been only a few weeks since he became a father, Ghib has learned plenty about parenthood and being a father. 

He also has advice for men who are in or are about to be in the same position as him. 

"A lot of irrational things may happen after becoming a father. Like the baby crying for no reason or your wife scolding you for irrational reasons due to hormonal changes and sleepless nights. 

"But I think it's important to be understanding of their situation," he shared. 

Ghib said that while it's easy to talk back and be angry, a father should try to be more accepting and not fight back. 

However, in the midst of it all, fathers should take care of themselves as well. 

"You have to prioritise and be nice to yourself as well," he said. 

melissateo@asiaone.com

For more original AsiaOne articles, visit here.