8 men who champion gender equality in Singapore

“Gender equality does not only benefit women; it benefits men as well. Ultimately, gender equality is a win-win for all of society,” says 28-year-old Kenneth Yeo, who works as a research analyst at S. Rajaratnam School of International Studies. We cannot agree more.

It may be 2021, but it’s clear that we still have a long way to go in terms of gender equality – particular for women. While the spotlight is often shone on women who fight for gender equality, let’s not forget that men are part of the game too.

They hold equal responsibility in levelling the playing field and creating more gender-equal opportunities for women, whether it’s at the workplace, at home or in social settings.

We spoke to eight men from various industries in Singapore who are paving the way for gender equality in their own right – including one who left his full-time corporate job to be a stay-home dad.

1. Nelson Tan, 33, marine professional

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Sexual harassment. With statistics showing a 24 per cent increase in the number of reported cases of outrage of modesty from 2016 to 2020 versus 2011 to 2015, I must say that I am very pleased that the penalties for such acts have been strengthened.

With the advancement of technology, voyeurism is getting rampant, and many unsuspecting women often fall prey to these. Hence, unless the law comes down harsh on these offenders, and serves as an example for all who wish to follow suit, such cases would not see a significant drop.

In addition, educating women to protect themselves from such predators would deter the rise in such cases.

Another gender issue I feel strongly about is…

Women being subjected to sexual objectification. We often fail to realise that this leads to women objectifying themselves, in terms of their physical appearance, the way they dress, and their sexual value to others.

This may result in harm to their emotional well-being. If we are able to move away from sexual objectification, it would help build a safer society for women.

Working in a male-dominated industry…

I guess there is a certain level of skepticism to whether a woman is able to accomplish a task compared to her male counterpart. I am very grateful that my current workplace is impartial to all these.

That said, many women are actually stepping up and proving themselves; it is very heartening to see more women taking up leadership roles.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Encouraging my colleagues or friends to step up to leadership roles, should the opportunity arise. It is very important to give them the assurance, support and due respect. Such emotional support goes a long way, and should be extended equally to men and women.

When it comes to household chores…

I do not ‘help’ with the chores. Rather, I ‘do’ the chores because it is my house as well. Questions like “Does your husband help you with the chores?” imply that women are primarily responsible for household chores. Chores are a shared responsibility; they do not belong to any particular individual.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Men having a longer paternity leave than the present two weeks. They will be able to help with looking after the child, and support their spouses especially during the confinement period.

2. Louis Ng, 42, Member of Parliament

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Gender expectations. Gender stereotypes are the root of the problem. There is a general assumption that women are supposed to take care of children.

I saw this problem firsthand when we built the Oasis Waterpark in Nee Soon East, which opened two years ago.

I made sure that the water park is family-friendly – that it had a nursing room, nappy changing room, hot water dispenser, child-friendly toilets, the whole deal. But what I forgot was the gender stereotypes.

The builders installed the nappy changing room inside the women’s washroom. When I asked them why, they said women are the ones who change nappies.

We managed to resolve this by installing a second nappy changing station in the disabled toilet, so men can help to change nappies as well.

But these builders are not alone in thinking that only women take care of babies. Such an attitude makes it harder for women everywhere, to find and keep a job.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Speaking up about gender inequality issues in Parliament. Last year, I asked the government to legislate to make it illegal for employers to ask interviewees and employees about their marital status and whether they have or plan to have children.

Our TAFEP guidelines are clear: “Marital status and family responsibilities are irrelevant criteria in employment, as jobs can be performed equally well by married persons, single persons and those with family care responsibilities.”

But these guidelines are not being followed. A 2018 study of 2,600 Singaporean women found that 1/3 were questioned at job interviews on their plans to start a family, and 3/4 felt that their decision to have children had hampered their professional goals.

I also stressed the need to legislate to give employees the right to access flexible work arrangements, which employers can turn down only on the basis of valid business-related reasons. This will help fight the gender stereotype and the gender wage gap.

When it comes to caregiving duties…

I make sure I set aside time from a crazy schedule to be there for my family. I do my best to have lunch with my children every day, and have some quality daddy-children time.

This also gives my wife some rest time both mentally and physically as she single-handedly looks after our three young children.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Looking into paternity leave. Fathers are not taking their paternity leave and we should deep-dive into this issue, find out why and how we can help them use their paternity leave.

ALSO READ: 'It has to be a deep mindset change': Singapore to conduct comprehensive review of women's issues

3. Kenneth Yeo, 28, research analyst at S. Rajaratnam School of International Studies

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Gender expectations. Stereotypes have a trickle-down effect into social interactions and one’s career. If gender stereotypes are addressed, we should expect lower levels of sexual harassment and the closing of the gender pay gap.

Working in a university environment…

I strongly believe that the university should serve as a safe space for all. The recent spade of sexual offenses conducted within university premises is very disturbing to me.

We should strengthen university policies to protect students from sexual offenses and improve the effectiveness of dialogues with both students and faculty members to educate and raise awareness about sexual offenses.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Being more conscious of the way I speak, and becoming more active in advocating for gender equality in my social circles. Up until a few years ago, I was unaware about gender issues until I was exposed to the inequality women face.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Getting more men to be interested in conversations about gender equality. I think gender equality does not only benefit women; it benefits men as well.

By promoting the idea of equal opportunity, stereotypes against men taking on more “feminine” jobs would also be discouraged. Ultimately, gender equality is a win-win for all of society.

4. Chua Kheng Hwee, 35, stay-home dad

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Taking on the role of primary caregiver for my baby girl since she was born last May. As much as possible, I do most of the household chores as well.

I left my trade marketing manager job to be a stay-home dad because…

My wife and I made the decision early on during our pregnancy that we did not want either of our parents to be the primary caregiver, so one of us would have to give up our job to look after our daughter.

Since my wife is doing well and earning more than me in her banking job, it was an easy decision for us!

Being a stay-home dad made me realise…

Postnatal depression can happen to men as well! Juggling the needs of my growing baby with household chores, as well as cooking for both my baby and family is as physically demanding as my National Service days.

As my wife’s confinement period happened during the circuit breaker period last year, I had a tough first two months taking care of her and our daughter on my own, and the stress kept building up. Luckily, my wife saw the signs and helped me cope with the postnatal depression.

Looking back, I think working in a full-time corporate job is less draining than being a stay-home dad. I didn’t think that being a stay-home dad would be easy, but the experience was definitely tougher than I’d expected.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Longer maternity leave for mothers. The current 16 weeks is actually not very long for mums to recuperate from childbirth. Also, I’d like to see more dads take on a more active child-rearing role, so they will need longer paternity leave as well.

Otherwise, we will have a generation of kids growing up with their grandparents or helpers as their primary caregiver.

ALSO READ: 40% of women in Singapore discriminated at work, much more than men

5. Farhan Firdaus, 34, partner at innovation consultancy firm Meet Ventures

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Gender expectations. They are probably improving with every generation as a whole in modern families where the grandparents and parents are all working professionals, but in less modern households, the traditional gender expectation that a mum has to clean, cook and do other house chores (while working) while the dad goes out to work is still intact.

I suspect that traditional gender expectations might be stronger at the ethnic level – certain ethnic groups may experience gender expectations to remain.

Even if the man/husband is progressive and modern, he might face pressure from parents or in-laws to bear the same expectations that they have regarding the role of women as a wife or partner.

Many women today in Singapore go to work, take care of the children and household, and are expected to perform at work. When they take maternity leave, they may be discriminated against at work if they have children with short age gaps.

They may also face discrimination if they take urgent leave to take care of young children who fall sick etc., and that may contribute to them not being seen as top performers at work and being sidelined for rewards and promotions.

The family, children, and work equally expect mums to perform at the highest level – that’s a lot of expectations for one individual.

Hence, women may face negative repercussions such as a lack of career opportunities, lower income, low motivation and mental health issues.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Looking for founders of both sexes at the youth entrepreneurs association I run. At work, when I hire, I look at every candidate without preconceived judgment based on the candidate’s ethnicity, sexuality or gender – capability is what matters.

Hiring managers may avoid women with young children, presumably because they think these women will need to take a lot of leave to take care of their young children.

As employers, we cannot have this type of mindset. Instead of looking at the amount of time spent at work; we should look at job performance and productivity – I appreciate someone who spends less time on work and achieves great results.

I have never faulted any of my employees for not clocking in enough hours in the week, as I focus on work quality and performance.

When I was running bigger firms, I implemented “eat with your family day” in companies where I have many staff with children.

When it comes to caregiving duties…

I have an excellent role model at home, my dad. He was the primary caregiver from the time my siblings and I were infants till we were 7 or 8, with my mum playing a supporting role. My dad never looked at gender roles and for someone born in the 60s, this modern mindset is remarkable.

I have always admired my dad for that, and I am ready to take on more caregiving duties, just as he did for me and my brothers.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Including topics such as gender equality in our moral education for example, and highlighting heroes that have helped in the emancipation of women, such as Singaporean women’s rights activist Khatijun Nissa Siraj.

In secondary school, we might want to teach both boys and girls how to cook, personal hygiene, child-rearing skills etc. It might also be a good idea for women to serve National Service, as an option.

6. Sherwin Siregar, 42, Head of People Experience at Prudential Singapore
 

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Pay gap. It’s tough because people are often offered salaries based on their past earnings, and so it can become an ingrained mindset and/or systemic issue throughout their careers. I believe that one should be paid based on the outcomes and deliverables of the role.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

Volunteering at the Institute of HR Professionals. The people agenda is dear to my heart. It’s important that we level up the profession that supports organisations and people with progressive approaches.

On a personal level, I am hands-on with my two children, a 9-year-old girl and a 4-year-old boy. Between my wife and I, I take on more school work-related duties, which is often stereotyped as the domain of the mum. It helps that I’ve gone through the local education system since my wife is not Singaporean.

At work, as the Head of People Experience, I champion Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging (DIB) amongst our employees.

We are constantly looking into the processes that can be strengthened and bolstered to reinforce DIB practices in the organisation – from Unconscious Bias training, reviewing our recruitment processes, to supporting women in tech, and our mature employees of which many are women.

I support women in my life by…

Providing them mental and emotional support. People might not know this, but I am a popular confidant and ‘Uncle Agony’ to many of my female friends. I also offer pro-bono life, business and career coaching and mentoring, and count females among my ‘cohorts’. I am always here for my friends if they need a listening ear, or some life advice.

When it comes to caregiving duties…

I take the kids to school and their classes. It’s a great bonding activity for us, especially for kids at their age – they’re inquisitive and always asking questions about anything and everything.

I also take joy in planning activities that help them develop and grow – taking care of not only their physical health, but also their emotional and mental wellness.

This month, I have been juggling to take care of them on weekends along with my own personal commitments while their mum is studying.

I even negotiated deadlines for a coaching certification programme that I’m attending, just so that I could be here for my children and give my family the support they need.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Longer paternity leave in general would be great, or even for a start, have interchangeable parental leave between both parents.

Also, I would love to see more role models and strong women in pop culture. As a father of a 9-year-old girl, I embrace Disney’s approach with Frozen, and Raya and the Last Dragon. These movies feature strong women as heroines, instead of the damsel in distress archetype.

I make it a point to introduce books with themes that go against gender stereotypes, such as “Stories for Rebel Girls”, and look forward to seeing more of such options for girls and parents to choose from.

ALSO READ: Most couples are less satisfied when the woman earns more

7. Hayden Ng, 30, marketer

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Gender expectations. From what I observe, a lot of my female colleagues and friends are the key caregivers of their children, which is especially stressful for them because they have to shoulder work and home responsibilities.

A few of them are lucky enough to get some help from their husbands, parents, in-laws or helpers but ultimately, they are still held responsible for taking care of their kids when they get home from work.

Once, at my former workplace, an older female co-worker asked a mummy colleague whether she cooks at home for her young children.

When the latter replied no (not most of the time, at least), the former colleague was shocked and said things like “Aiyo. Huh? You mean you don’t cook for your kids?”

In a way, she was implying that women are expected to cook for their kids. What she said might have made the other colleague feel a little guilty or inadequate.

The expectation that mums are supposed to cook for their family – in this case, after getting home from work – is truly awful. In my opinion, bringing up kids, taking care of the family, and doing house chores should be a shared responsibility between the husband and wife.

We shouldn’t expect mums to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility of bringing up the kids.

I support the women in my life by…

Giving them mental and emotional support. As far as possible, I’ll check in on my friend who’s a new mum. It’s been a stressful first few months for her, and having been a caregiver myself previously, I understand a little about the stress that she might be going through.

From time to time, I’d encourage her to actively share her feelings and thoughts with her family, especially when she needs more help. I also try to meet up with my female friends to chat with them about their lives, and provide a listening ear whenever they need one.

When it comes to household chores…

Although I live with my mum and helper, I try my best to make my own bed, clean up after myself, wash my own dishes and do some household chores like decluttering, vacuuming and mopping the floor.

When there are family gatherings, I’ll always try and help out in the kitchen by setting up the table, cleaning it, preparing utensils etc. I feel that these chores shouldn’t solely land on my female family members.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

More flexible working arrangements for workers, where possible. For example, staff can choose to come in early and leave work early, or work from home for a few days per week.

And it shouldn’t just be restricted to parents with young kids; those who have caregiving responsibilities (for instance, living with ageing parents) could benefit too.

At the same time, companies should embrace female employees and promote them fairly based on their performances. Also, they can create a conducive environment for stay-home mums to rejoin the workforce.

This could be in the form of part-time upgrading programmes and grants.

8. Gavin Chan, 36, civil engineer at CPG Consultants

One of the biggest gender equality issues in Singapore is…

Gender expectations. The underlying issue is the negative reinforcement of gender stereotypes (such as women should stay at home and take care of the children) that results in women being typecast into roles not of their choosing, to their detriment.

In the early days where survival was of utmost concern, people tended to think in binary in order to make generalised decisions quickly. Post-war, the world needed industry to rebuild from the destruction, thus it prioritised manual production and made it a man’s world.

We have now gone past that stage and are looking to chase our personal rainbows. In a world of pursuits, we can afford to give everyone a fair shot at success, especially women who often had to receive the shorter end of the stick in our early years

Another gender issue I feel strongly about is…

The recognition of mothers in the workforce. While government policy has helped with the entitlements for working mothers, I feel that there is a lack of respect and recognition accorded to mothers, resulting in detrimental effects on their careers even.

This isn’t a policy issue but a mindset shift that I hope society can adopt. We should accord mothers/grandmothers more respect and importance in order to recognise their role in society. At the workplace, expectant mothers and married women still face a certain stigma when deciding to become a parent.

I champion gender equality in my daily life by…

At the workplace, CPG actively champions gender equality, and provides equal opportunity to both male and females even though the built environment is traditionally thought of as a male-oriented sector.

In fact, I’m glad to say that in my business unit, we have reached almost equal representation of male and female engineers in various levels of seniority.

At home, I do my best to support my wife in her pursuits, and try to create an environment where we help each other out with the kids when the other has something on.

When it comes to household chores and caregiving duties…

I’m currently the official kitchen person, so generally, food and drinks fall under my care. After Covid-19 and the widespread work-from-home arrangements, I’ve also taken on the role of ferrying the kids to school (which gives me valuable personal bonding time with them).

With the eldest going to primary school next year, I’m actively looking at ways to engage her academic and artistic inclinations, and help her develop her skills and interests.

Other steps towards gender equality I’d like to see are…

Though controversial, one of the things on my wish list is to relook at the concept of equality. I wouldn’t want to frame the narrative as a matter of being equal. When we talk about being equal, it means giving a million people the same equal thing.

What if some don’t appreciate that thing? Instead, I would like to think of the concept of fairness, to give everyone a fair chance at life – be it to excel in academics, arts, business, or even at home.

If we obsess about giving everyone the same slice of the pie, we might end up not giving any pie. Therefore, I hope we move towards the measure of fairness instead of a measure of equality.

As feminist journalist Gloria Steinem said: “Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It’s about making life more fair for women everywhere. It’s not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It’s about baking a new pie.”

This article was first published in Her World Online.