So this is Christmas. And what have you done?
Well, two days before Christmas, I published a 5,000-word blog post, accusing an online marketing company of inflating its earnings and other misdeeds, and ignited a "blog war".
Then I Instagrammed a shot of me wearing a headband with an obscene message (from Obscene Headbands "R" Us) and showing my middle fingers to the world next to photos of my oh-so-cuuuuuute 21-month-old son named Dashiel. You see, I'm not only a badass online crusader for truth but a loving mother as well.
Of course, when I say "I", I don't mean me.
I mean Wendy Cheng, better known as Xiaxue, which she says means "snowing", but could also be read as "sia suay", which in Hokkien means something else she probably doesn't intend.
It's a reaffirmation of Xiaxue's intimidating stature in the local blogosphere that despite her under-1.5m frame, she's the Goliath in her online brawl with Gushcloud, which can be considered the underdog.
Before her blog post, I (as in me, not Xiaxue) had never even heard of Gushcloud.
I might have come across the name of the company before, but it quickly left my mind like a cloud blown away by a gust of wind.
But thanks to Xiaxue's "big Gushcloud expose", I now know I have another option in Gushcloud in case I want to promote my slimming services and think Nuffnang is charging me too much for an advertorial. Also, Xiaxue, who is represented by Nuffnang, just wrote a very nasty review of my slimming services.
Okay, I realise many of you may have never heard of Nuffnang. It's sort of like Gushcloud's big competitor and has been around longer.
When I first came across the name Nuffnang, I imagined the company sold toy guns that shot sponge-tipped bullets. You know, like Nerf.
I now run Nuffnang ads on my blog. I used to run Google ads until Google froze me out of my account because Google mistook me for a pornographer.
That might be because my URL is smong.net and if you look up "smong" in Urban Dictionary, the word apparently means "extra large penis".
Hey, if it's on the Internet, it must be true.
As it turns out, Xiaxue's blog post is not just an expose on Gushcloud. It has exposed the thin-skinned, stats-obsessed, advertiser-hungry world of people who blog for a living and the people who represent them.
And you thought you were obsessed with the number of "likes" you got for the picture of your cat you posted on Facebook. For these folks, it's their livelihood.
But I've never heard of these so-called "celebrity bloggers" or "influencers". Who is this Yan Kay Kay, whom Xiaxue has kissed and broken up with? It ain't exactly Zoe Tay versus Fann Wong.
There's a saying: Being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It can also apply to bloggers.