7 tips to survive your husband's affair

Anoushka Beh, a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, and life coach at Abehpsych Counselling Services believes it is possible to move on together.

1. Ask questions to establish transparency

You may not want to, but when you get the facts, you will stop being so obsessed. This will be horrible, tough and painful, but with the details (it's up to you how far you go), you can stop your imagination from spiralling out of control.

2. Set a talking limit.

Only speak about the affair for 15 to 30 minutes so it doesn't become all encompassing. You need to connect, but you need to concentrate on other areas of your relationship, too.

3. Expect pain.

Your husband may try to twist situations and feelings around, or even accuse you of betraying him to make him feel less bad. Keep the focus on the affair.

4. Remain honest.

Explain your feelings. This will open a window of intimacy between you. Don't hold back - but don't string out your sorrow for sympathy.

5. Find support.

Reconnect with family and friends, and find a support group who can help you feel less isolated.

6. Hang out without the past.

Go to your favourite restaurant, the cinema, play sports together away from your children. Connect as friends by doing the things that bought you together. The affair has happened but it is also only one storyline.

7. Forgive when you're ready.

You'll never forget an affair but the memories will fade. This could take months or years, so be patient.

When and if you find yourself ready, some couples engage in a ritual or activity that marks this as an important turning point.

Ultimately, forgiveness is essential in allowing you to move on, but only do this when your partner has taken sufficient steps to rebuild your love.

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