The anti-social guide to surviving Chinese New Year

NEVER EVEN LEAVE YOUR HOUSE
Would you rather stay at home and play video games instead of going through the annual routine of Chinese New Year interrogations? "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?" "When are you getting married?" "When are you having a baby?" "When are you having another baby? This time try for a boy okay!"
Yes...us too.
Fortunately, with the help of some apps, services and a few gadgets, it's possible to spend your entire Chinese New Year weekend avoiding everyone, while still technically fulfilling your filial responsibilities.
SEND PEOPLE ORANGES FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR COUCH
Delivering mandarin oranges in person can be a lot of work. A bag of oranges isn't light, and you never know how to pick good ones at the supermarket anyway (what exactly does squeezing them do?).
Fortunately, local website fruitclub.sg has you covered. You can order oranges from their website and they'll deliver them islandwide.
Buy your oranges here!
SEND ALL OF YOUR GREETINGS THROUGH AN APP
Avoid any actual face-to-face time with your relatives by sending them greetings through the Chinese New Year Greeting Cards app.
The app lets you create very your own personalised CNY cards, so you can do all your well-wishing from home. Complete with photos and stickers to choose from and easy to share via your choice of social network too.
Get it here!
BEAM YOUR VIRTUAL SELF TO YOUR FAMILY REUNION DINNER
Attend your family reunion without actually attending your family reunion. Just send a telepresence robot in your place. Thanks to your grandma's failing eyesight, she won't even know the difference!
You can control the robot via an app on your smartphone or tablet, and most robots offer an adjustable height, so grandma will even think you've grown a few inches since last year.
They're not cheap though, the Double 2, "the world's leading telepresence robot" costs a whopping $5,521.20 from Activ technology.
SEND OUT A QR CODE TO RECEIVE EANG BAOS
The only downside to staying at home and avoiding everyone is missing out on that sweet ang bao money.
Fortunately, you can just send a handy QR code to all of your relatives (just use that family whatsapp group chat your auntie is always sending "hilarious" pics to) and they can easily transfer your ang bao money right into your bank account. Now you can even send QR ang baos!
More info on DBS eAng Baos here!
NO CHOICE, YOU'VE BEEN DRAGGED TO THE FAMILY REUNION
Okay, the plan to stay at home entirely has backfired and your mum has dragged you to your auntie's house. Now what? Well, you can still try to avoid as much face time as possible.
EASILY NAVIGATE THE TREACHEROUS WATERS OF MULTI-GENERATIONAL FAMILY GREETINGS
Do you have way too many relatives? Can't remember how to address your father's brother's wife? The 姨媽姑姐 - Relative Title Calculator app is here to help, although you'll need to know some Chinese to use it.
All you need to do is punch in the order in which the two of you are related, and the app will spit out the correct title.
The calculator-style interface is pretty intuitive, so you'll want to have this with you the next time you have to navigate the treacherous waters of your pesky, multi-generational family.
Get it here!
FAKE A CALL TO GET AWAY FROM AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS
Faking a phonecall to escape an awkward conversation is an all-time classic move, but how do you pull it off convincingly? If you use an iPhone, Fake Call Plus is a lifesaver.
In addition to tapping a button to initiate the fake ring immediately, you can schedule it to call you at a specified time. Heck, you can even add an audio track to make it sound like the other party is talking when you answer the call.
Get it here!
IGNORE PEOPLE BY PRETENDING TO STUDY
We're going back to how OG anti-socials used to do it - with a book. That's right, humans. You can ignore people, get some education, and look good doing it.
Because when you ignore people by looking at your phone, you're a millennial. Or strawberry. Whatever. But when you ignore people by reading, you're a scholar in the making.
It's 2020, so get a Kindle Paperwhite and save the trees. The only condition for this anti-social gem that both you and your parents will love? You have to love reading.
DROWN EVERYONE OUT WITH NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES
When it's all just too much and you need to escape to your own private sanctuary for a few minutes these headphones will do the trick. These noise-cancelling headphones are effective at muting any incessant chatter, allowing you to listen to your music and be in your own world.
At least until your mum yanks them off your head. Our top recommendation is Sony's WH-1000XM3, which is their latest and greatest flagship over-ear Bluetooth wireless noise-cancelling headphones.
Get them here from Sony! You can also get it at Lazada or perhaps at Shopee.
This article was first published in Hardware Zone.