Asian parents’ concept of love is ‘twisted’ and ‘disgusting’, says Reddit user

PHOTO: The Straits Times

While there are various types of parenting styles that differ from family-to-family, there are still many common values and belief systems among parents. Some of which may cause problems between a parent and their child.

Reddit user Fireworks112, for instance, found that there are several Asian parents who share their own concept of love. While they believe that they all aren’t “innately bad”, he finds that their traditional version of love and care is “twisted”.

Some Asian Parents’ Traditional Concept Of Love

PHOTO: The Straits Times

1. A competition of who has children first

The Redditor claims he’s known Asian relatives who would get jealous over younger family members having kids earlier than them. He shares that they would “get infuriated and try to have children faster than their friends or relatives”.

While you might find that everyone else in your family has children, you shouldn’t be in any rush. Pressure can be difficult to deal with, but this definitely shouldn’t be your main reason for building a family of your own.

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2. The demand for higher education and well-paying jobs

According to user Fireworks112, some parents would demand that their children aim for Ivy League schools and get well-paying jobs that aren’t mediocre. And when their children fail to reach these standards, they tend to feel “deeply betrayed and angry, because their sa[c]rifice or investment has failed”.

While we do want our kids to strive and succeed in life, sometimes setting up high standards can be harmful. Especially if it’s for something your child may not be passionate about. We can encourage them to reach for good grades but we shouldn’t push them to study to the point of self-destruction.

3. Having a perfect partner

The Reddit user also mentions how your choice of a girlfriend or boyfriend can also matter greatly for parents. They might be looking for someone who is completely yet quite impossibly “perfect”.

Introducing your partner to the parents can put a lot of stress and pressure on you, especially when it’s someone you may be planning to spend the rest of your life with. So while you do want to make sure that whoever your child ends up with, you should also trust them to choose the person they want for themselves.

A Chance For Problems Between Parents And Their Child

Times are different now and just like everything else, parenting styles can still be subjected to change through generations.

As the Redditor mentions in his post, it’s not that these parents are bad, it’s just that Asian parents often focus on their own issues and project them onto their children. But there is always room for learning and aiming to become parents that children can rely upon.

Just as mentioned earlier, we all have our own ways in how we love and take care of our family. While there are no perfect parenting styles to follow, it would be great to keep our relationships with our kids healthy, supportive and, of course, full of love.

PHOTO: The Straits Times

This article was first published in theAsianparent.