Being ghosted? A dating coach shares the best way to deal with it

Picture ghosting and what comes to mind is one person ignoring another's text. But ghosting was a thing even before the invention of phones.

"Ghosting has been carried out by many people over centuries to end relationships quietly. Technology just made this exit strategy much more obvious," says Cherlyn Chong, a breakup recovery and dating coach.

"You can now connect with a stranger easily. And if you guys don't share mutual friends, they can just vanish without backlash."

She points out that the people who are the most likely to resort to ghosting are those who tend to avoid emotional closeness in relationships.

"They don't want to handle the uncomfortable aspects of being honest with you and don't want to deal with your emotional reaction. They'd rather hurt you silently than make themselves uncomfortable."

Being ghosted sucks but you shouldn't let it get to you — their actions (or the lack thereof) say more about them than you. Cherlyn shares five tips on how you can move on in the best way possible.

1. DECIDE HOW YOU WANT TO GET CLOSURE

"You don't have to chase them for a reply. More often than not, if you have to chase them, you're just prolonging the inevitable. But if you want to give this person the benefit of the doubt, reach out with a message like, 'Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything OK?'

"If there's no response even after two days, it's best to move on. If you're struggling with doing so, you might want to send one last message like, 'It was nice getting to know you. I assume you are no longer interested. Wishing you the best!' This not only allows you to demonstrate maturity, but also gain some closure."

2. REBUILD YOUR SOCIAL WORTH

"Ghosting hurts so much because it feels like ostracism. When you're not given any explanation as to why you were rejected, you may blame yourself for the other person's disappearing act.

"An excellent way to combat the effects of ostracism is to simply rebuild your connection to society. Grab a good friend or two and head out. Talk to people, reaffirm your social status and get social cues that people do indeed like you. The sting will go away pretty fast."

3. TALK TO NEW POTENTIAL PARTNERS

"Occupy yourself by chatting with new potential partners. Tweak your dating profile or sign up for more dating apps to talk to more people and schedule new dates."

4. BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU DIDN'T WASTE MORE TIME

"You should see things on a larger scale. Ghosting has been happening for a long time and you are not alone. If anything, being ghosted allows you to not waste your time on people who aren't right for you. It's a good thing."

5. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE

"Be as fabulous as possible. The best 'revenge' is just to have a great time without the ghoster. It might also be because of their departure that you meet someone who actually wants to be present in your life."

This article was first published in CLEO Singapore.