Is emotional cheating as bad as physical cheating?

Ever cheated, or been cheated on, emotionally? Whichever side of the fence you were on, someone probably got hurt.

To clarify, emotional cheating is when one has their emotional needs met in an intimate, non-sexual way with someone else who isn’t their romantic partner. And according to Cherlyn Chong, a toxic relationship recovery and dating specialist at Steps to Happyness, it can be as bad, if not worse than, physical cheating.

Signs of emotional cheating

First things first: the common signs of emotional cheating include constantly talking to the other person to share about one’s day, thinking about them a lot and feeling like they connect more with them than with their romantic partner.

It is also clearly heating when the extent of communication with the other person is hidden from one’s partner.

“On a subconscious level, a person knows that that is wrong. It doesn’t help if they rely on the other to meet their emotional needs instead of going to their partner,” says Cherlyn.

“Emotional cheating can be as bad, if not worse. If you’re a victim, knowing that your partner trusted someone else so intimately with their secrets, thoughts and feelings can be devastating. When a man cheats emotionally, a woman can be filled with self-doubt and may wonder why she wasn’t good enough for him.”

Why emotional cheating happens

Not that it can as such be excused, but there are a couple of reasons why one starts to cheat emotionally. A common one is loneliness in the relationship, where one tries to get attention from their partner but keeps getting rejected, so they turn to people outside the relationship to feel wanted or validated.

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Another is out of dissatisfaction, where the cheater has become unhappy with the relationship and starts looking for satisfaction externally.

However, some people also cheat out of self-gratification.

“Some people have personality traits that make them more likely to be serial cheaters. They cheat because the relationship is no longer new and exciting anymore. They get bored easily, fall out of love and start looking for that magical spark elsewhere,” says Cherlyn.

“It might also be out of distrust. If one is constantly paranoid, possessive and jealous, believe it or not, that can drive their partner to cheat. Since they are treated like they have already cheated, they might feel the need to actually do it.”

How to avoid emotional cheating

So how can you avoid being an emotional cheater, and lessen your odds of ending up with one?

The dating coach emphasises that it is important to be a trustworthy and loyal person, and to date one with similar traits.

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“A key part of this is to simply date the right person. A person who is more content with life is less likely to cheat than someone who is disgruntled.”

“Another way to avoid emotional cheating is to spend time getting your partner’s needs met, and to be emotionally aware of the relationship. It is important for partners to connect on an intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical level regularly to maintain the satisfaction and quality of the relationship.”

She adds that it’s also crucial that we remain firm about our boundaries.

“We should stand up for ourselves and show that we are unafraid to walk away when a romantic partner disrespects us by lying and cheating.

This article was first published in Her World Online.