'Hearing the song Home makes me want to cry': Singaporean who got married and gave birth in Germany amid Covid-19

AsiaOne speaks to Singaporeans who are overseas during the Covid-19 pandemic and sees how they are coping. Know someone with an interesting story to share? Let us know!

Home, which is possibly Singaporeans' favourite National Day song (that wasn't actually written for National Day), has taken on new meaning for 29-year-old Shinna Lim-Oehms since 2015. That was the year which she left Singapore to pursue her post-graduate degrees in Hamburg, Germany.

The simple but heart-hitting lyrics and moving melody of the Dick Lee classic sung by Kit Chan is a tune that now makes Shinna emotional.

After graduating, the National University of Singapore (NUS) alum applied for and was admitted to a highly sought-after international graduate programme offered by aerospace company Airbus in Germany.

Said Shinna, who's currently based in the northern city of Hamburg: "I would say that this song means so much more to me now that I have been abroad for six years. So I try not to think or sing the song because it just makes me cry."

Six years may neither be an extremely long nor short time to be away from home. But the distance is definitely more acutely felt during such a time of uncertainty.

The pandemic not only disrupted her work — she was two months into an attachment in France when the first wave hit — but it also made her wedding earlier this year a much more muted celebration than she would have liked.

Shinna, who graduated with a double master's in Megatronics and Technology Management from the Technical University of Hamburg in 2018, had started work for slightly more than a year when Covid-19 began to make its presence felt across the globe.

She was all alone in France then, while her then-boyfriend and now-husband was in Hamburg.

"I could have stayed (in France). But then, I would have been all alone with a language that I barely know," said Shinna, who described the period as "very stressful".

She added: "I think because of the experience that we had with Sars in Singapore, we know how things can escalate quite quickly.

"I remember telling my manager in France that I'm going to go back to Hamburg because I think it's going to get really bad."

Her manager was hesitant in giving her the go-ahead and warned that she might not be able to return to complete the programme, but Shinna was adamant.

"I told her I'm sorry but I need to insist, for my personal well-being, that I go back to Germany," said Shinna, who recounted feeling a palpable sense of fear during that period.

In the end, Shinna believes she made the right call because "I mean, we're still going through [the pandemic]". She ended up staying in Germany and working from home the whole time while still under the employ of Airbus.

On a more personal front, Shinna's plans for a grand wedding too were unceremoniously dashed.

"Before the coronavirus, I had actually planned to have a big wedding in Germany with all my family here. I had also ordered a traditional dress from Singapore, but in the end I couldn't do anything, and I still have my deposit stuck there!" shared Shinna with more than a hint of exasperation.

But it was not all gloom and doom.

The pandemic brought forward a happy event — she and her then-fiance found out she was pregnant last year. The pair had started dating while they were doing their master's degrees in the same course at university.

"[The pregnancy] was planned," Shinna was quick to add, "because we thought okay, with the situation, how can we make the best of it? Let's have a baby!" she shared laughing.

She revealed that she was open and honest with her parents about her plans, and was glad that they were supportive and "not so conservative".

"They were like, 'yeah if you have a baby now, we will support you. Because we need to be practical, we cannot keep waiting until you can finally get married, right?'"

A few months into her pregnancy, the couple quietly took their vows — "the German version of the ROM" — in a government building, with only one friend in attendance. Said friend also assumed the role of being their official photographer.

The groom's parents were not allowed into the room to witness the ceremony, but they met the newly married couple outside the building for a photo. "So [the wedding] was like super intimate and 'exclusive'," joked Shinna.

But as with all couples whose idea of a dream wedding involves having close friends and family in attendance, Shinna definitely felt a tinge of sadness about having to scale back so drastically on their once-in-a-lifetime event.

"I just told myself, I'm not the only one (having to experience this). At least we kept our jobs, it could have been worse," she rationalised.

To make the best of things, the couple held a wedding-cum-gender reveal party on Zoom right after being officially declared man and wife.

Longest time away from Singapore

Even now, the new mother, who gave birth to a baby girl just three weeks ago, is still holding on to the hope of at least holding a tea ceremony "or a small celebration" when they are able to travel back to Singapore.

The NUS mechanical engineering graduate counts herself lucky that she had at least managed to make a visit back home in January 2020, just before the height of the pandemic made travelling all but impossible.

"This has been the longest stretch that I've been away. I try to go home once or twice a year as much as I can," said Shinna, whose husband and in-laws have visited Singapore and are "very big fans". "They really like the diversity in Singapore and the food, especially," added Shinna.

Shinna is thankful that during her confinement period, her mum was able to fly over to Hamburg to take care of her and their newborn.

"I'm very lucky to have her here and that she was able to fly," said Shinna. Having her mum over provided much-needed support, as new mothers in Germany "don't get the same kind of support because it's just a different culture".

And although her mum was apprehensive about travelling during this time, the fact that she was willing to go through the risk and hassle is probably a testament to a mother's love.

"My mum is not someone who travels a lot on her own and she had to brave through it and go through the airports. Luckily, there was no issue," shared Shinna.

The stars have somehow aligned as well, with the recent announcement by the Singapore government that fully-vaccinated travellers from eight more countries — including Germany — will be allowed to serve their stay-home notice at home instead of a dedicated facility from Aug 20. "It's a very strange and good timing," said Shinna, breathing a sigh of relief.

Her mum has been cooking her favourite dishes, such as fried beehoon and fried wantons, along with traditional confinement foods such as papaya soup, which is not so easily found in Germany.

"My husband paid 10 euros ($16) for a green papaya!" exclaimed Shinna.

But while food is a warm and welcome reminder of home, there is something deeper that she misses more about Singapore.

The youngest of three children admits that after six years of living abroad, she no longer feels homesick as intensely as before. However, the sense of belonging and community spirit are something that she finds absent in Germany and that she still craves for.

"I would say it's this sense of community where you feel like if something happens to me on a bus or on a train, I know that people around will help me, and I really miss that," she shared.

"In Germany, it's a very cold culture in a certain way because the walls are very hard to break to get into people's social or inner circle. You often have to just get by on your own and cannot expect someone to offer their help.

"This is real life, but in Singapore we're in a very protected, very different environment, where things just work and we take for granted that things are working."

The contrast in her experience has definitely made Shinna appreciate Singapore more. "We live in a utopia I think, you can get things done within a day and it's super efficient." 

Naturally, like most Singaporeans overseas who miss a piece of home, Shinna recounted how her ears would prick up whenever she hears the familiar Singaporean accent, either at work or even on the streets. To Shinna, it's automatically an invitation to connect.

"I would just go up to this person and say, 'eh you're Singaporean, right?' And we'll always have this common ground and rapport." She chirped happily: "I've done this so many times to so many Singaporeans.

"Once you speak Singlish, the walls just break down, even though we're strangers," said Shinna.

"Sometimes you just need a sense of home, and these are the places to find it."

What other Singaporeans overseas miss most about home:

"We miss going to Our Tampines Hub, which to us embodies community togetherness. We are able to have family meals, watch free movies and read at the library there. Wishing Singapore all the best in getting as many people vaccinated as possible."

- Nurse Chen Xuhua, 43, who has worked in the US for the past 14 years and currently takes care of Covid-19 patients.

"One of the things I miss about Singapore is the hawker centre vibes. Needless to say, the food is certainly a big part of it, but I guess it is also the neighbourhood and community culture. Families and friends sharing a meal, all the neighbourhood aunties and uncles chatting away. If you ask me what is 'local Singapore', that is probably the immediate image that forms in my mind."

- Graphic designer Rax Suen, 33, who found himself stuck in Argentina for the past year and a half while travelling across the globe.

"I miss salted egg foodstuffs and bak kwa, especially the large, freshly-grilled pieces! They're not easy to find, especially in the Hokkaido countryside. And as for salted egg, getting a pack of six from Amazon costs $15! I can't ask my family to send bak kwa either because sending meat to Japan is prohibited."

- Marilyn Ichihashi, 34, who opened a B&B in Hokkaido during the thick of the pandemic in 2019.

candicecai@asiaone.com