It's not always a bad thing to be needy in your relationship. Here's when it's OK

Admit to being a needy in your relationship and you'll probably raise some eyebrows, whether out of surprise or sheer disapproval.
But neediness isn't always irrational or unreasonable-not when this insecurity stems from a change in your relationship dynamics.
WHEN IT'S OK TO BE NEEDY
According to Cherlyn Chong, a breakup recovery and dating coach, it's perfectly normal to feel needy if your partner has been acting "off", like if he hasn't been catering to your love languages the way he usually does.
"Even if you have a healthy attachment to your partner, you may feel needy if he displays a consistent level of withdrawal that doesn't meet your needs," she says.
Don't know how to tell if you have a healthy attachment to your partner? If you're fine with not hearing from them for some time and don't question what they were doing when you do, it's probably pretty healthy.
WHEN IT'S NOT OK TO BE NEEDY
If you constantly find yourself anxious or upset around your partner, you're probably unbearably needy.
"If you instigate arguments a third of the time you're with your partner, you're needy once every three interactions with him. This means that you doubt yourself and your partner frequently, even for the slightest things they do," explains Cherlyn.
You're also too needy for your own good (and for your partner partner really) if you need your partner around in order to function.
"If you need them to reaffirm everything you do, regardless of what it is, it's too much," says Cindy Leong, a relationship coach at Relationship Studio.
HOW TO FIND THE COURAGE TO BE NEEDY
Given the negativity neediness is generally associated with, you may not dare to be needy even if there's some basis to what you feel is lacking from your partner.
But you should have the courage to express your insecurity if it's within reason. Cherlyn recommends doing these four things if you need help drawing up the courage:
Acknowledge it's completely OK to make it known that your needs aren't being met so that you can bring the relationship back to a balance
[[nid:473619]]
Ask yourself how your relationship will be five years from now if this continues, and use the realisation to fuel your courage
See things from your partner's perspective: Would they want to know that you're unhappy? Would they care about your feelings? Do they want a happy, healthy future with you? When you make it less about you, you may find it easier to voice out your concerns as your partner will also benefit
Practise vulnerable honesty often with your partner. Follow a three-step process: State how you feel; the specific action they took that made you feel a certain way, and the potential consequences of that action
In short, it's OK to feel needy if something is different in your relationship. And when you feel that way, you ought to do right by yourself and share your fears with your partner hard as it may be.
This article was first published in CLEO Singapore