My wife changed after our baby was born - and it's okay

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Are you feeling neglected by your wife after your baby was born?

Here’s an admission. I think men secretly (or not so secretly) want to be like babies. I mean, what’s not to like? You get food any time you want. You can play any time you want. Plus, you can sleep all day if you’re feeling extra lazy. And best of all, you can get all the attention you crave.

That’s really every man’s fantasy! And, more or less, that’s what the first few years of marriage are like. You’re the baby, and your wife will cradle you with all the love, affection, and attention you need.

All that changes, though, when you get a kid. Let me elaborate.

1. If you think your wife ignored you a lot while pregnant, wait until the baby arrives.

You might have noticed it when she was pregnant, and you were in denial, thinking that it was just the hormones. But sorry to tell you, there’s really no going back to your flirty boyfriend-girlfriend days. You can’t act like a baby and whine about things then expect that she’ll come running to you. That’s not an option anymore.

She has more important things to tend to. And the fact that you can go to the toilet all by yourself means you’re not a baby who needs constant attention.

2. You want to eat something amazing? Cook it yourself.

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Thank the heavens that food delivery exists. 

Once your baby arrives, you have to realise that your wife can no longer prepare food for you all the time, although that's an archaic expectation. Why? Well, it’s because she’s making food 24/7 for your baby.

That’s breast milk if you don’t know yet. It may sound like a pain, but you’ll thank her even more, when you realise how much you’re saving from buying formula.

It’s not that she’s not concerned about your dietary needs; your wife knows that humans can survive without food for 30 - 40 days.

3. You don’t have to worry about expensive dates anymore.

Date night? What’s that? If before you were always out and about, going to the new restaurants and watching the newest films, after becoming a parent that all comes to a screeching halt.

I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Just think of all the money you’ll save by just staying home. But before you go fantasizing about a new PS5 or new sneakers, realise that whatever money you save is not going to your pocket. Every dollar you save is for your family’s future.

Before all that saving, though, it's best to invest in a good armchair where you’ll be relaxing for the foreseeable future…before your toddler takes over that too.

4. Being your amazing self is no longer enough.

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Change a light bulb? Amazing! Open a tight jar or bottle? Fantastic! Fix a flat tyre on your own? Wow! You’re the champ. Do you remember all the applause, praise, and adulation that you got from doing these mundane tasks? What a great feeling, right?

Well, sorry to break it you, buddy, your glory days are over. Your wife may have found your boyish charm endearing before, but now she expects you to be a man. And men have to get stuff done without getting anything in return. That’s life.

You cleaned the dishes without her telling you to? Wow, so what? The house is a mess. There are more things to clean up. Do you know how many clothes a baby goes through in a day?

5. Your wife has changed, and that’s okay!

In the end, there’s really no sugar coating it. Your wife has changed, BUT it is for the better. Think of it this way. Your relationship with your wife is like a hotpot. Like shabu-shabu. It starts with broth that starts to simmer then goes to a rolling boil.

Every relationship starts with that exciting build-up to the boil. You don’t quite know what will happen, and the thrill of the unknown is what makes it awesome.

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But like everything in life, things change. Eventually, you have to add all the other ingredients like the veggies, seafood, and meat to complete the dish. Man cannot live on broth alone!

And for you to completely appreciate the hotpot, you have to let it cool down a bit. Eat it when it’s too hot, and you’ll burn yourself. But when the temperature is just right, then it’s an amazing experience.

You may no longer be the baby, but that doesn’t mean your wife is not the person you fell in love with. It just means that you two are going to the next level of life. She’s levelling up, and you’re levelling up (hopefully).

This is the start of family life. It is hard but it's a good thing you have the perfect partner, your wife. Now, treat your wife to some hotpot.

This article was first published in theAsianparent.