“I should be announcing ‘I'm pregnant!’ in 3 weeks time, but here I am, sharing with you the loss of my child that no one knew about (aside from my closed ones),” social media influencer Lian Meiting revealed on Instagram last Wednesday (Nov 4), three days after she miscarried.
This would have been her second child, after her firstborn Kayla who is three years old.
Alongside her caption, the 32-year-old uploaded images of her sonograms, her positive pregnancy test result on Sept 25, as well as a series of notes to document her pregnancy journey.
Meiting shared that being able to conceive again was “truly a gift” and that she had yearned for and anticipated the baby.
“So lucky. So grateful to be able to conceive again. I know how many women out there are trying to conceive, some for months [and] years,” the former Singapore Airlines stewardess wrote.
According to Meiting, nothing matters more than having a healthy baby—not even the gender—and she prayed to hear and/or see her baby’s heartbeat during her first ultrasound.
“[And] yes, we did. I had tears in my eyes when I heard the heartbeat,” recounted Meiting. Her gynaecologist also shared that everything was going well with the baby and that her baby’s heartbeat was “loud and strong”.
However, in an unexpected turn of events just two weeks later in week 9, Meiting lost her unborn baby whose estimated due date was June 3, 2021.
On Nov 7, Meiting posted a picture of what seems to be a tattoo of flowers, with the date June 3, 2021.
“I knew something isn’t right”
The 32-year-old recounted that she experienced bleeding the night before learnt about er miscarriage. “It started out light, accompanied with slight cramps,” she wrote.
Having realised that her blood was “freshly red”, Meiting contacted her friend who also experienced bleeding during her pregnancy. She also called the emergency hotline that was given by her doctor at 12.34 am.
According to Meiting, she could only wait until the clinic opened the next morning.
“When I was there, I went to the restroom once more [and] this time around, there was more fresh red blood. I knew something isn’t right,” wrote Meiting. “I was so afraid. I knew it isn’t normal. But I’m half hoping that it’s nothing serious and I just needed more bed rest.”
Accompanied by her husband, Meiting shared that she underwent an ultrasound and was devastated by what she observed.
“I saw the shape [and] form of our baby and immediately my heart sank. My worst fears came true. He/she was still, tiny [and] there was no heartbeat,” the social media influencer lamented.
Meiting’s gynaecologist noted that the baby had not grown much since Meiting’s last visit and that had caused the bleeding.
Her gynaecologist assured her that she was not at fault for what had happened to her baby.
“This is not because you carried your daughter or anything you’ve done. It was the baby who stopped developing a while back,” the doctor explained.
“I’m still grieving, I don’t know how long I’ll take”
While Meiting mentions that she is still grieving, without knowing how long she will take, she says that she feels lighter the more she speaks with women who have unfortunately gone through the same loss.
“There are so so many of us. Many told me they suffered silently, cried at night after their husband has slept or in the toilet when they’re at work because it’s just the way it is,” wrote Meiting.
The 32-year-old hopes to lend support to those who are going through a similar situation—and that they can contact her.
“To fellow moms out there going through this, you can always reach out to me. I may not be much of a help but I can be your listening ear or shoulder to lean on,” wrote Meiting.
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
For Meiting herself, she expresses her gratitude for the love, care and support she has received from loved ones to friends and even the public since her miscarriage.
Addressing her angel baby
“I’m eternally grateful. Without all of this love [and] positivity guiding me, I’m sure I’ll go down the dark road,” Meiting shared. Her mum, in particular, has been there for her every single day since her pregnancy.
Towards the end of her post, the social media influencer addressed her angel baby directly.
“I have so much to say to you. We love you so much. So so much. We had our entire future planned out with you in it,” wrote Meiting.
“Daddy was looking at double-decker beds [and] saying how you [and] jiejie will share it next time. He even started showing me kid’s room designs that he had in mind for you [and] jiejie. We’re sorry we can’t make this come true for you. But please know, we want, prayed for and love you so much..”
This article was first published in theAsianparent.