Stereotyped at work? Here's how you can turn things around

Gen Z-er or boomer, given a choice, most people prefer working with a strong leader who will take charge.

While tough male bosses enjoy labels like “strong”, “decisive” and “courageous”, firm female leaders don’t enjoy such compliments, often coping monikers like “firecracker”, “ball buster” and “dragon lady”.

While such perspectives cannot be forcibly changed, Chua suggests responding in a manner that serves us.

Reframe: “If you’re called a ‘dragon lady’, start thinking about the qualities that are attached to that persona. The ones that usually come to our mind by default are tough, domineering, scary and fierce.

Take away the word “lady” and what comes to mind when you hear the word ‘dragon’? Possibly, strong, powerful, majestic.

“Ask yourself, which of those qualities I would like people to see in me, and the ones that will serve me in the position that I’m in.

Then work on exhibiting those qualities and use those labels to your advantage and reinforce them in other’s perception of you.”

It’s a sweeping assumption that females are more emotional than males, and that it trickles over into work place dealings. Chua points out that being “more emotional” doesn’t necessarily have to be a disadvantage.

Reframe: “Being ‘more emotional’ can work in two directions – being perceptive of others’ emotions (inward) and displaying one’s emotions (outward).

Being more perceptive of the emotions from others can definitely help women be better bosses, as they would be viewed as empathetic and understanding.

That is, they have a ‘heart’. Displaying one’s emotions more readily allows others to better see what’s going on with you.

Obviously it doesn’t help if one is prone to frequent outbursts of anger, or tears. A controlled amount of emotions helps others see a woman as a human being, especially if she has the reputation of being a “dragon lady”.

“When a woman allows others to see her emotions, she is projecting an “open book” image, which inevitably invites others to respond in a similar manner.

I feel that this leads to a more open work environment where employees are free to express their opinions. And they don’t feel pressured to suppress their opinions and feelings.”

Being the solo female in an otherwise all-male meeting can feel overwhelming. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy approach to ‘power posing’ – standing in a posture to boost feelings of confidence – is one Chua agrees with.

Reframe: “If I know I’m going to be the only woman walking into the board room, I tell myself that all eyes are going to be on me. Walking in to the room, I have to maintain a strong posture and exude confidence and not allow myself to just blend into the background.

“Instead. I will make myself stand out, so the room will listen when I speak. Dress professionally, speak with a strong voice, and be confident and clear all around. And stop wondering what the rest of the room thinks of me.

“Be clear on one’s intentions when you walk into the room. Once you’re clear on your own agenda and intentions, you can then contribute clearly. And when you’re clear with your message, the room listens – regardless of your gender.”

Anne-Marie Slaughter’s pivotal feature for The Atlantic said it clearly: women can’t have it all – and yet we continue to strive for it, arguably more than the average male. So what’s the deal, is there an ideal balance we can work towards?

Reframe: Chua points out that a work/life/home balance doesn’t need to be a zero sum game.

Rather, it’s important to ask specific questions and honour what’s important:

• What does work/life/home balance mean to you?
• What are the values that are important to you, in your life?
• What is important about those values?
• What does your life look like when you honour those values?
• How do you honour those values in your work, at home, in your life, and in general?

“Usually a client will discover that they don’t have to give up one for another. Often it’s about them setting boundaries effectively around the different areas in their lives, and honouring what’s important to them.

“Start with simple steps, like making a commitment to not check emails over the weekends. Or letting your colleagues know to not expect you to respond to their calls after office hours.

Bottom line is you can control your actions. You just need to be firm about the choices you make and follow through with your actions.”

This stereotype of women and men sounds dated, what with the #timesup and #metoo movements, but ask around and many women will share how they still face such gender bias.

Rather than letting this be a disadvantage, Chua advises embracing it.

Reframe: “It’s true that women tend to take more care of people around them. That’s just how we’re wired. We’re more attuned to how others are feeling, and oftentimes, our maternal instincts kick in, regardless of whether we have children.

When women show they care for the others in the workplace, they invite trust and understanding from the others.

“When implementing changes in a workplace, a woman can “take care” by seeking the opinions of the other employees, letting them know that she is taking their feedback into consideration. When employees feel that they have been heard it’s easier for them to take on the changes that get put in place.”