Through a convert's eyes: Woman opens up about the beauty and struggle of her first Ramadan experience

It's March 2022 and roughly half past four in the morning.

While her family is asleep, Jamie Tang is up and doing her best to polish food off her plate. 

She struggles to the point of tears.

This cycle repeats itself for a week as the 26-year-old attempts to fast for the first time.

Jamie converted to Islam at the turn of 2023, but she spent time exploring the faith prior to that. 

Speaking to AsiaOne, she admits that going through Ramadan last year was tough, specifically with regard to sahur (or pre-dawn meal).

During the month of Ramadan, practicing Muslims wake up before dawn every day for sahur. 

Then, from sunrise to sunset, they refrain from eating and drinking.

Being a novice, Jamie came up with a strategy for "surviving Ramadan".

My sahur strategy

Jamie wasn't used to waking up at this hour, let alone "eating this heavy".

"But the thing is, I know I have to eat because if not, throughout the day, I will suffer," Jamie shares with AsiaOne.

When asked what she eats exactly, her eyes light up as she replies: "This one I also can tell you, I'm very proud of myself [for coming up with] this sort of regimen."

Every sahur for her begins with a cup of tea before moving on to the "main course", usually rice with meat and veggies.

"After that, I will, very paiseh (translates to embarrassingly), drink the chicken essence and berry essence," Jamie giggles. 

She ends her meal with a sweet drink like an iced Milo or milk tea.

As the conversation moves away from food choices for sahur, Jamie gets more solemn with her responses.

While Ramadan is often centred around fasting, the month is also dedicated to community and gathering — whether it be in prayer or at the dining table.

This is a privilege Jamie could not experience during sahur since she and her fiance Mohamed Fahmi Bin Tahar do not live together. 

She openly reveals that those are the moments when self-doubt creeps in.

When you're surrounded by others, it's more straightforward since there's always someone to encourage, remind or set you straight, Jamie says.

"So, it's really down to the core already, 'Who and what are you doing this for?" she asks rhetorically.

To his credit, Fahmi does his part in minimising the pressures and stressors she's experiencing.

Every morning during Ramadan, he'd accompany Jamie for sahur (albeit virtually) via a video call. 

The hard part isn’t the thirst or hunger

After last year's experience, Jamie feels better prepared for Ramadan this time around. 

"The hunger and thirst remind you why you're doing this.

"So, that's why I look forward to it. I'm really, really hoping that this will bring me closer to Allah," she explains. 

Apart from the early struggles last year, Jamie has taken to fasting like a fish to water.

As she runs us through a typical day for her during Ramadan, it's clear that she enjoys keeping herself busy.

Her employer allows Muslim staff to leave the office 30 minutes earlier, at 5.30pm, but Jamie isn't a big fan of leaving at said time.

She stays close to the office and if she heads home that early, there'd still be a sizeable amount of time left before breaking fast.

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Instead, she leaves the office between 6pm and 6.30pm.

"The timing is just nice for me to shower, prepare my food and it's break fast time!" she beams.

Interestingly enough, Jamie's biggest obstacle during Ramadan doesn't have anything to do with food or water.

After all, Ramadan is not simply an outward ritual of fasting.

According to the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore (Muis), Muslims reflect on every aspect of their lives and realise their devotion to Allah in their actions, words and intentions during Ramadan.

Trying to "be a better person" is a way of realising her devotion to Allah and something she's very much conscious of. 

"In terms of the media you consume, the words you say, your temper and having more patience. Those are what I struggle with," Jamie says.

When pressed on whether she's overcome them, Jamie isn't shy to acknowledge that it won't happen overnight. 

Having a support system

Jamie's early days as a convert has not always been smooth sailing.

She's had people of the faith police her, to comply with what they feel are Muslim standards and practices.

Even if Jamie agrees with what some of them are insisting on, their "obsession" over such practices can be mentally draining on her. 

"It's like, I know I have to do all these things but to actually do it, that'll take time."

Regardless, she's still thankful to have her pillars of support, and this goes beyond Fahmi ringing her up during sahur.

At work, she's gotten closer to her Muslim colleagues. 

"If they're talking about fasting or other Ramadan-related topics, I'm now included in the conversation," Jamie says.

When asked if she feels part of the Muslim community at large, Jamie gives a resounding "yes".

On the flip side, Fahmi's doing decently as well, getting brownie points with Jamie's family by being part of their Chinese New Year celebrations.

She adds: "I feel cool! I don't know. Because I'm Chinese, but then I am part of this other group as well."

Apart from family and colleagues, Jamie makes an effort to form connections with others on a similar spiritual journey.

She mentions how Salam Sisters, a sub-group within The Converts Central, provides her with opportunities to form friendships.

The Converts Central is a podcast that focuses on the challenges that Muslim converts face and helps Muslims of all backgrounds find a foothold in the faith.

"They provide you with the kind of support that not just anyone can give to you," she shares. 

And that's exactly what Jamie enjoys most about Ramadan — living a shared experience with people who believe in the same cause.

It's safe to say that Jamie's come a long way from breaking down in tears in the wee hours of the morning to looking forward to Ramadan.

"I guess it's [understanding] the cause. That's why I look forward to it. This is the month when I can sleep early, wake up early and eat clean," Jamie reflects.

"There's just something magical about Ramadan."

ALSO READ: What's it like to fast for Ramadan? Non-Muslim goes 13 hours without food and water, ponders health and spiritual benefits

amierul@asiaone.com

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