Bidets clean better than toilet paper, as showcased in wordless music video by Singapore YouTuber

It appears to be that Singaporeans aren’t the only people who are patently kiasu. In a bid to ensure the hygiene of their hindquarters remains tip-top during the ongoing global pandemic, folks across the world have, like people here, swept shelves clean of toilet paper. 

According to experts, the reasons behind the bum-rush range from the fear of missing out (can’t afford to lose out to our neighbours, after all) to survival instincts (gotta hoard as much basic necessities as we can). Thus why we hear of things like armed gangs in Hong Kong looting toilet rolls and supermarket shoppers in Australia getting into scuffles over it. 

Getting violent over hoarding toilet paper? It's an odd sentiment to the folks who’ve long dispensed the need to have a roll at hand all the time. Because who needs mounds of toilet paper when there’s this thing called a bidet? 

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Hear it from a New York City rectal surgeon: bidets are a way healthier and cleaner way to take care of your backside after using the bathroom. Not only is rinsing off faecal matter from your butthole cleaner, but it also saves the environment too — less toilet paper is used when you’re just using a small bit to pat the bum dry. 

Or maybe you’d like a visual example. In that case, turn your gaze to this 49-seconds-long clip crafted by local YouTuber Rishi Kumar, a man who doesn’t even need to say anything to showcase the merits of using a bidet. The only props he needed: a plastic plate, tissue paper, a bum gun, and some hazelnut chocolate spread from Tesco.

Nuff’ said, the debate is over. Keep calm and stop hoarding toilet paper. 

ilyas@asiaone.com