Xie Shaoguang finally at peace with father 20 years after his death

When local actor Xie Shaoguang's father was diagnosed with terminal pancreas cancer in 2006, he had hoped the heavens would shorten his own life and give some of the years to his father.

"I understand my father was suffering... The feeling of helplessness was very great. As Chinese, we have a belief of shortening our lifespan for our parents. But at one point I told him, 'No matter how filial I am, I can't shoulder it on your behalf'," the 64-year-old recounted to AsiaOne in an interview recently.

He believed that the familial love and mutual concern helped his father adjust into a more positive mindset and manageable condition for palliative care.

Shaoguang's father succumbed to his illness in April 2006, five months after he was diagnosed.

When asked if he had any regrets towards him, Shaoguang said: "There will always be regrets. Because whenever I recall the past, I would think about what could have been done better [about his care], such as perhaps changing doctors and all that. But the reality had been set."

Despite that, reflecting on the past has helped him come to a realisation.

He shared: "I came to understand that my father actually loved me very much, that he was wonderful and had made a lot of sacrifices. Although there was definitely some unhappiness then, now there is relief.

"After 20 years, I totally understand his point of view and because of that, I not only reconcile with myself, but I am also at peace with him and that's my greatest happiness."

Returning to acting after 20 years

Shaoguang was speaking to us during a recent media conference for his new local drama The Gift of Time. This series marks his first acting role in two decades since returning to local showbiz in 2024.

The series centres around arrogant and wealthy entrepreneur Lim Huoyan (Shaoguang) and family man Lam Shuimiao (Chen Hanwei), who are diagnosed with advanced stage cancers and undergoing treatment at the same clinic. While they bear a grudge against each other over an incident several years ago, they eventually set aside their differences and become friends.

Having come to terms with their limited time, they work together and use their abilities — Huoyan's wealth and Shumiao's understanding of human nature — to help other terminally ill patients.

At the same time, they also aim to die without regrets. Huoyan seeks to reconcile with his estranged daughter Wong Xiatong (Chantalle Ng), while Shuimiao attempts to fulfil his wife Koh Xiaomei's (Xiang Yun) dream of dancing the waltz.

Shaoguang shared that Huoyan's character arch was what attracted him to the role. The latter originally believes everything can be resolved with money but later realises his riches can't solve matters of life and death. This change gave Shaoguang a lot of space for creativity in his performance.

Portraying Huoyan required Shaoguang to be in a perpetual state of tension during filming, which he shared was "draining" for him, adding: "I was constantly in that state from the start till end of filming, which took about two to three months.

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"I might be able to relax slightly after filming was completed every day, but I was still on high alert mentally and would always be in an intense, negative state of mind. It affected my health and I felt the difference."

When filming wrapped for the series, he got out of character by returning to his daily routine, including meditating, doing yoga and going hiking, where he went for forest bathing — a practice of immersing yourself in a forest environment to connect with nature and breathe in fresh oxygen to improve physical and mental health.

To live a fulfilling and worthy life

As the drama centres around life and death, we asked Shaoguang whether he fears death.

"I'm not afraid of it. While I say this, I do believe that subconsciously I still have some fear, because it's unknown. But since it's part of our life cycle, there's no use even if I am afraid," he said.

Shaoguang shared his fear stems mostly from the agony of suffering from an illness. However, he added: "I think the more we see things clearly now and know how to manage it, it will help in making ourselves become more mentally prepared."

When asked if he has a bucket list of things he wants to do, he told us he has been clearing it constantly, because it would have been a "heavy burden" to keep holding on to it.

He added: "Every time before I make a decision, I would always remember to ask myself, 'Do you know what you are doing?' This helps me not to make decisions on the spur of the moment and to gauge if I can manage the consequences."

And what is Shaoguang's ideal life?

"I wish to live a life where I don't have to explain my choices to anyone and am able to find fulfilment and worth in it. I want to be completely with myself and be able to do whatever I want to. If there is something I can't do, I won't regret it. If I could achieve it successfully, I would appreciate it," he said.

The Gift of Time is now available on demand for free on Mewatch and airs on Channel 8 on weekdays at 9pm.

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yeo.shuhui@asiaone.com

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