How couples can rekindle the spark in their marriage after having a child

PHOTO: Pexels

I still vividly remember the day I discovered I was pregnant with my second child, barely six months after I had my first. I was giddy with excitement yet when the dust settled, I vacillated between happiness and anxiety in equal parts.

Was I ready for another one? I had barely gotten my life back on track. Before I knew it, out came the third. And I have no regrets.

How do you do it? The question people often ask me.

I won't deny it. Having one child - let alone three - is no easy feat. From the day I got swept into parenthood, my life has been altered profoundly. I desperately hold on to time that's rushing by too soon for my liking. On a good day I get to apply a face mask, on other days I struggle to remember how I got from the couch to my bed.

As for the marriage… Date nights, cuddling on the couch (and actually staying awake), sleeping in on Sundays, and of course, the sex - lots of it - feels like a lifetime ago.

The current state of affairs: Unsexy texts reminding your spouse to grab milk and diapers and conversations that revolve around the baby or meander into silence that is punctuated by snores. Sexy time… let's just say that's increasingly becoming uncharted territory.

I've been there. We've all been there at some point. Yes, the increase in responsibilities inevitably robs you of time with your spouse. And that is a slippery slope. If you don't do something about it, the emotional connection dwindles and leads to less marital satisfaction. So no, don't go there. Don't let it get there.

The first step to reversing the situation is remembering why you got married. Your marriage was and always will be about the two of you, above everything else. This insanely demanding phase of parenthood is transient.

Your child will grow less needy of you.

And it will happen sooner than you imagine. So don't forget how to live with and for each other.

Revisit that bucket list. Climbing a mountain in the third year of marriage? Make it happen. Somehow. Someway. Steamy sexcation to bring the spark back? Make that hotel booking this very weekend. Two children by the fifth year of marriage? Why not? Yes, I repeat, why not?

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If you're a first time parent, you need to understand that the hardest part of becoming a parent is the initial adjustment of a tiny human being taking over almost every aspect of your life. It's not as demanding, insane or impossible as it seems, or is made to seem.

It's all about adjustment, acceptance, and not sweating the small stuff. Don't let these teething issues deter you from growing your family. Most importantly, don't let it shake the rock solid foundation of your marriage.

So if you're in two minds about expanding the family or interested in gaining marriage tips, I Love Children, has a lot in store for you. For starters, you might want to make Time For Love Again.

Literally, and in this case, by attending the talk by Gary and Joanna Koh, the dynamic husband and wife duo, both highly experienced family life coaches from Focus on the Family, Singapore. Together, they will take you through topics such as:

  • Understanding your spouse's emotional and sexual needs
  • Learning effective ways of conflict resolution
  • Discovering the joys of having children and parenting as a team with your spouse

In addition, you can look forward to a sumptuous buffet lunch for two and a couple/family photoshoot. And because everyone loves free things, there are exciting goodie bags courtesy of sponsors like A'kin, Clearblue, Blackmores and Waka Waka.

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If you're looking for a quick getaway, there's also a Lucky Draw where you stand to win a 2 Day 1 Night Staycation at the Furama Riverfront Theme Suite.

Want to attend the event but have no childcare arrangements? Fret not! Maple Bear Singapore is providing free child-minding services along with lunch for children aged two to six. There are also complimentary snacks and play for children aged four to six, offered by Waka Waka.

So mums and dads, remember, it's your responsibility to give it all you've got, and do all that it takes to make the best out of your marriage. You can begin by signing up for the talk. The experts will guide you on how to unlock the keys to greater marital satisfaction!


PHOTO: theAsianparent

Or simply register online at

This article was first published in theAsianparent.