How to manage your 3-year-old's tantrums and bad behaviour

Your threenager can certainly dig his heels in - when he doesn't want to do something, he can stand his ground no matter what you say. At times, he acts as if he is the boss at home, not you, and it's hard staying cool when your child refuses to co-operate.

Here are strategies to manage your stubborn, unhelpful preschooler.

KEEP CONTROL OF YOUR TEMPER

Despite your best intentions, your blood may start to boil when your three-year-old refuses to co-operate with you. If you think you are close to exploding, remove yourself from the situation - while making sure he is safe - and don't come back until your temper has cooled.

DON'T ANTICIPATE CONFRONTATIONS

The problem with your child's repeated non-co-operation is that you start to expect a battle even before a problem has arisen. Your anxiety about what you think may happen when you ask him to do something increases his tension as well, which makes him more awkward to deal with.

TELL HIM WHY HE SHOULD CO-OPERATE

He's more likely to do so when he understands how he'll benefit from it, too. So, explain to him, for instance, that if he tidies his toys now, he will have time for an extra story before he goes to bed. He needs to understand that co-operation is good for him as well as for you.

KEEP REPEATING YOUR REQUEST

[[nid:468729]]

Calmly refuse to accept his non-co-operation - if your little one consistently refuses to do as you ask, resist the temptation give in for the sake of an easy life. Persist with your gentle but firm request until he responds positively. He needs to know you won't back down.

NEVER MAKE EMPTY THREATS

Make sure that you always follow through. For example, if you warn him that he will be punished in a specific way for not cooperating with you, stick to what you have said. Empty threats simply teach him that you don't mean what you say, and consequently they will actually encourage him to ignore your request.

USE POSITIVE TECHNIQUES

Rewards, praise and positive language can be just as effective as punishment. For example, complimenting him when he eventually does what you ask reinforces his co-operation, making it more likely that he will behave this way in the future. Give him a special treat as a reward.

TIME REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS CAREFULLY

A varied mixture of carrots and sticks have the greatest impact when they are given immediately after the behaviour has occurred - the closer the better. Avoid the "wait till your father comes home" threat because too much time will have passed by then.

ENCOURAGE RATHER THAN FORCE

[[nid:463036]]

If you bully your toddler into obeying - and you can probably do this because you are bigger than him - your success on this occasion will only be temporary, and he'll do what he wants as soon as you turn your back. Help your kid develop a cooperative spirit with your encouragement instead.

BE CONSISTENT

Your child looks for weaknesses, and if he thinks you lack consistency, he will continue to be defiant. Bear in mind that teaching your kid how to co-operate with you is a long-term process. But if you adopt an unwavering approach, you'll gradually begin to see positive changes.

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

The daily grind of confrontation can wear you down. The incessant challenges soon reduce your confidence and you may start to doubt your effectiveness. Don't let that happen - remind yourself that you are doing a good job.

This article was first published in Young Parents.