From the moment you conceive, you are at the receiving end of advice from people around you. Whether is it about the food you eat, the clothes you wear, or even the way you hold your baby.
While some of these are certainly well-meaning and come from a place of love and care; you will notice comments coming your way from some not-so-well-meaning individuals as well.
This is what happened with a mum on TikTok.
In a now-viral breastfeeding video she is seen sharing her experience of dealing with countless negative comments about feeding her triplets.
In her viral breastfeeding video, mum talks about dealing with negative comments
Elle, a mum of four, shared a clip on TikTok to celebrate her "nurserversary." She captioned the clip, "This message is to never doubt a determined mother. Just let her feed her babies. Feeding isn't a one-lane road."
She also posted a series of photos and videos of her three babies over the past six months, along with all the negative comments she'd received so far.
Some of them read:
- "Both your hands are going to be way too full to pump."
- "Preemies don't usually breastfeed."
- "Will your babies really learn to latch after being on a feeding tube for so long?"
- "I thought NICU babies only took bottles?"
- "You will never sleep again."
She ended her clip by sharing a positive note to her babies, "Happy six months nurserversary, my little ones."
As soon as posted the video and shared the mental trauma she had endured, she was inundated with positive feedback.
'Freezer stash is the stuff of legends'
One mum added, "You are seriously a champion. That freezer stash is the work of legends."
The mum concluded by saying, "My babies take the formula, tubes and even bottles as needed. It has nothing to do with how I feed them.
"In fact, it is everything to do with determination and the support that I receive. We're all just trying to kill it as mommies!"
But she wasn't the only one who commented positively.
There were many other followers who called Elle a "supermum" and "queen", and frankly we couldn't agree more!
It is hard bringing a child into the world, let alone grin and bear snide comments.
So if you are in a similar situation as Elle and get unsolicited advice making you question your ability as a mum, the best thing to do is to hold your head high and carry on.
Remember that each parenting journey is unique and can be equally as tough. So take everything with a grain of salt and carry on!
However, if you are still wondering whether or not what you just heard was in fact advice or a snide remark, let us solve that mystery for you.
Here are 5 things you should never tell a new mum
You still look so pregnant!
Having cared for a baby for nine months, a new mum can't magically go back to their pre-pregnancy body. So stop and think before you make this snide remark.
What a new mum has done is remarkable, she's just given birth to a new life and she needs nurturing and care. There is plenty to time to get back into shape. What she needs right now is support.
Oh, you are not breastfeeding?
Breastfeeding is a personal choice, and a crucial one at that. Remember, every mother tries her best to breastfeed her child. However, in some cases, she may not be able to: whether it is due to a medical condition, or she is unable to produce enough milk.
Either way, nobody should feel entitled to comment on a mother's choice. She is doing the best she can to care for her little one. Instead, support them and make them feel that every choice they make is perfectly okay!
You need to exercise to get back in shape
After delivery, a new mum is often exhausted and their body is sore. They may be suffering from postpartum depression as well.
While light yoga and a mild walk can help her feel better (if she wants to), don't force her to get back to exercises immediately. Let her take it easy.
You must be having a relaxing time during your maternity break?
Firstly, it is not a break, it is a time that every mum needs to bond with her baby. From breastfeeding to recovering from C-section or natural birth stitches among other things, her body needs time to heal.
You look tired and your hair has gone so thin!
Yes, she is tired! Spending sleepless nights and staying awake to feed the baby can be tiring for a new mum who is still recuperating post-pregnancy. So she doesn't need a reminder of her tired and puffy eyes. She is doing it all for her baby.
As for the hair loss, it is not a condition, but a phase. Hair loss is one of the major postpartum symptoms and it is natural for her to lose her hair. There is certainly no need to point at her physical changes.
What she really needs is your support, care and affection. So how about uplifting new mums and women around you to make them feel loved!
This article was first published in theAsianparent.