Who sacrifices more in marriage and parenthood? Here's what this Singapore survey found

We're often told that a marriage requires compromise, with some partners making sacrifices to be with the one they love.

But does one person have to give up more than another in order to make it work?

Annie (not her real name) believes that nowadays, married women are expected to hold down a job while taking care of domestic matters as well as children, if any, because a dual income is important in this day and age.

"Men are no longer earning as much as they do, or taking the role of the main provider," she said, adding that they're also not interested in helping out with household needs. 

According to her, men from older generations are "more robust and manly who can fix the lights, do simple carpentry and drilling."

"Men now are just pampered," she stated.

The 33-year-old, who is single, was one of the respondents polled in a survey by non-profit organisation Cultivate SG.

This survey, published on Nov 17, showed that women in Singapore were more likely to say they sacrifice more in marriage and parenthood than their male counterparts.

Some 2,019 respondents — all Singaporeans or Permanent Residents, aged between 21 and 45 — were polled by Cultivate SG on their views towards marriage and parenthood from Aug 22 to Sept 9 this year.

Half of the respondents stated that neither husband nor wife sacrifices more in marriage, while 38 per cent of them said that women sacrifice more.

More female respondents (49 per cent) said that wives sacrifice more in marriage as compared to male respondents (26 per cent).

Moreover, married male respondents (30 per cent) are more likely to believe wives sacrifice more in marriage than unmarried men (23 per cent).

Lucas (not his real name), a 25-year-old father of one, feels that women sacrifice more in marriage.

"Culturally, I see wives in Singapore carrying more family expectations—like managing in-laws’ needs and festive duties—which feels like extra sacrifice," he said.

Married women are more likely to say that neither party sacrifices more (46 per cent), compared to single women (42 per cent).

They are also less likely to say that women sacrifice more, with 47 per cent of married female respondents indicating this as compared to 50 per cent of their unmarried counterparts.

Although respondents were asked about their views on marriage, 57 per cent of those who said women sacrifice more in marriage cited reasons related to motherhood.

These respondents assumed the wife in question was also a mother, suggesting that a majority of them did not draw a clear distinction between marriage and parenthood while answering the survey questions.

However, those who said neither party or men sacrifice more did not make the same assumption.

In the case of parenthood, respondents echoed similar sentiments. Close to half of respondents (46 per cent) stated that neither father nor mother sacrifices more in parenthood.

A similar number of respondents (45 per cent) believe that mothers sacrifice more while 9 per cent said the same of fathers. 

Women (57 per cent) are more likely than men (33 per cent) to say that mothers will sacrifice more in parenthood, a similar trend to views on marriage.

Marital status also has an impact on respondents' views on this topic, with less unmarried men (28 per cent) saying mothers sacrifice more in parenthood than their married counterparts (38 per cent).

The former are also more likely to think that fathers sacrifice more, or that neither party does.

Fifty-four per cent of married female respondents said that mothers sacrifice more in parenthood, while 60 per cent of unmarried women think the same.

Thirty-nine per cent of married women surveyed said neither party sacrifices more while 36 per cent of unmarried women said the same.

Career disruptions bigger concern for men

The survey also polled respondents on various other topics, including how positively they view marriage and factors that discourage parenthood.

Of all the respondents surveyed, 77 per cent said they have a positive view of marriage. 

Unmarried men are more likely to have positive views of marriage than unmarried women —  69 per cent of unmarried male respondents indicated this while 64 per cent of their female counterparts said the same.

Married women, on the other hand, are more likely to have a positive view of marriage than married men, with more (88 per cent) married female respondents stating this than their male counterparts (86 per cent).

When asked what would discourage them from becoming parents, the three factors that were picked the most were financial in nature.

The high cost of raising children was ranked number one, uncertainty about future income was second and being unsure about their ability to financially provide for children was third.

Both male and female respondents ranked these factors in the same order.

Notably, being concerned about disruptions to their career was number 12 for female respondents, but ranked eight by male respondents.

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bhavya.rawat@asiaone.com