Splitting the chores and mental load: Here's how your marriage can survive

It seems like such a cliche but divvying up household chores can, and often becomes a source of marriage conflict. 

Household chores are boring and thankless, but unless you want to come home to domestic disarray or it's financially possible to hire a cleaning service, there's just no way around it.

And if there's discontentment when it comes to pitching in with the chores, annoyances snowball, frustrations kick in and eventually, you'll snap. There are, however, ways to help manage your shared duties better. Plus, we tap on real women for their tips!

THERE'S NO SPLITTING IT TOTALLY 50/50

There's almost no way it's possible to split your household chores right down the middle.

And honestly, it'll just get tiring keeping track, not to mention somewhat calculative. Consider a more fluid way of organising your tasks, like a roster or deciding on the chores each will undertake.

"I live with my husband and two stepsons. We have a roster in our kitchen with the days and chores listed. It's flexible in the sense that we can discuss whether we want to stick to one chore or if we want to rotate." - Faridah

DISCUSS EXPECTATIONS AND PRIORITIES

There's one thing about living with someone else - they come with a different set of ways and beliefs on how a household is run. For example, you might consider rolling up your clothes and stuffing it in the closet acceptable, while your partner is more 'Marie Kondo' level when it comes to organisation.

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My partner, for example, conscientiously washes the walls of the shower stall after he's done with it, and has the uncanny ability to organise his belongings like a flatlay. Meanwhile, I'd probably give myself a score of 6.5 out of ten for tidiness.

Also be flexible and allow your partner to accomplish tasks in their own way. Don't be overly critical if your significant other's not doing it exactly how you want it either -  as long as it's decently done, leave it be.

TRADE TASKS

Ideally, your partner can tolerate (or maybe even *hopefully* enjoy) the particular chore that you abhor. Taking on something you aren't adverse to means you'll find yourself less likely to sit on the job.

But what happens when you both detest the same task? One way, of course, is to take turns doing it so no one gets stuck with the same role. 

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Or tackle it together - this makes it somewhat more enjoyable and you'll get to connect, and feel the accomplishment of finishing a task as a team.

Just be careful of taking on certain tasks just because you think you 'can get it done faster' - if you don't give the other party a chance to learn or practice, how will he or she ever get it?

"We mapped out our tasks when we got our house. Thankfully my husband takes on the things I don't want to. A decade later our routine remains the same and we're still happily married!" - Wen Lin

CONSIDER EACH OTHER'S SCHEDULE AND TIMELINE

One might be a morning person and prefers to get chores out of the way while the other leaves it until the end of the day. Chances are, you might have come across the stack of dirty dishes he'd left to tackle after he's done with his work out.

Pushing someone to tackle a chore when he or she isn't ready will likely pave the way for disgruntlement.

Is your partner going to work late nights for the week for an ongoing project? You might have to be prepared to take on a little more of the household chores.

"If he'd like to get certain tasks done that aren't generally on our weekly roster, like sorting out the storeroom over the weekend, he'll give me a heads up and ask if I'm okay with it. It sort of gives me mental prep, and I can plan my time ahead." - Wendy Foo

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE HOUSEWORK: MENTAL LOAD

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