Newly married? A relationship coach shares tips on how to keep the flame alive, Lifestyle News

PUBLISHED ONNovember 20, 2019 9:35 AMByAdora Wong

Just tied the knot with the love of your life? In an ideal world, it’s happily ever after from here. But this isn’t an ideal world and, more importantly, marriage is hard work. Trouble can and does happen in paradise.

Also, just because you guys dated for a couple of years before getting married doesn’t mean that you’ll be spared from marital turbulence. The dating duration isn’t necessarily an indicator of whether or not the relationship will last.

“It’s not about how long you guys dated for, but what you guys made of the time together,” says Cindy Leong, a relationship coach at Relationship Studio. “You could have been with him five years but did nothing together. Or you could have been with him six months and did self-development courses together in a bid to understand each other better.”

She adds that even when you’ve been with the same person for a long time, you guys may not necessarily have everlasting marital bliss because 1. your view of the relationship might be flawed, 2. your partner may not have revealed his true self during all these years.

Want to do your best in keeping your marriage happy and healthy? Cindy shares five tips.

1. STAY CURIOUS ABOUT EACH OTHER

“It’s important to stay curious about your partner. Don’t assume that you know everything about him.”

2. BE WILLING TO KEEP TRYING

“You might feel tired from having to try repeatedly or you might be feel like you’re the only one who’s trying. But you’ve got to remember that he might be trying in ways that you don’t see.”

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3. PRACTISE COMPASSION

“Everybody’s struggles are different and you guys probably struggle with different things, so it’s important to practise compassion and see how you can support and complement him.”

4. BE INTERDEPENDENT

“When a couple is in a relationship, it’s no good to be too dependent (being too needy), co-dependent (feeding on each other’s ego) or independent (too distant). It can be quite unhealthy, so you should learn to strike a balance and be interdependent.”

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5. STRENGTHEN COMMUNICATION

“When there’s conflict, you should manage the pace of the communication. Some people take a shorter time to process their emotions and thoughts while other require more time. Don’t be too quick to judge and work on a timeline as to when to talk things out.

This article was first published in CLEO Singapore.

Lifestyle Dating/Relationships marriage Tips